Stop whining, start shining II

 

I wonder if any cop at the senior level realises how troublesome being a victim of a crime is. When I was in Sierra Leone, after the hectic elections were over (one of the rare African elections where the government changed without a bloodbath), some of us UN mentors and the Senior Police Advisor got together in our house (it was called the India House) for a celebratory do. It was a rollicking party and, after the guests left, we, the inmates, went off to sleep blissfully. One of us received a call at around 3 AM from the landlord, who stayed in an adjacent house, saying he feared there were some intruders in the house. Our friend woke up to find that most of the things in the drawing room and living room including the TV set, music system, etc. had been taken away by the robbers. He woke all of us up and we saw that there was an armed gang who had come in and some of them were standing guard with knives outside each of the bedroom in case any of us woke up or disturbed them. Some of the knives were left behind. Luckily, none of us woke up suddenly, else, there might have been bloodshed that night and I wouldn’t be around to pontificate. 

We lodged a complaint but, for a few days, every night, we used to go to bed fearful that we might be set upon during the night. It wasn’t a happy existence for those days, despite our being cops and the local cops visiting regularly and putting in an armed guard for the nights also. 

In India, just lodging a complaint is a Herculean task. A victim going to a police station is already under severe stress. Then, there is utter insensitivity at the Police station which treats him as the problem and a nuisance. The default option of the Police officer is to prove that the complaint is false. At the end of the experience, the complainant feels more like the accused than the victim. Then, there are those interminable summons to the Police station on the pretext of recording of statements, examination by supervising officers, and so on. 

If we take ourselves away from the colonial mindset and think of Policing as a service, what would we focus on? A victim of a crime is less interested in the detection than in someone promptly attending to his distress call or his complaint. Just the fact that people in uniform land up at the scene of crime and start investigation quickly reassures him and his neighbourhood. We should concentrate on that and on how to minimise the inconvenience to the victim. That would mean recording the complaint at the scene of crime and taking all other steps like recording the statements, seizures, examination of witnesses, identifications, etc. all in one go and at one place. One-stop policing, in a nutshell. 

A member in my IIMB alumni group once contacted me. He had started a high-end café and the business was picking up. There was a burglary in the café and he lodged a complaint. There was no peace for him thereafter. Every day, the Police station started summoning his key personnel so that the café came to a standstill. In his desperation, he approached the SHO for withdrawing/ closing the case but the demand for doing so was so extortionate that he was cursing his “misadventure” in lodging a police complaint in the first place. He contacted me in utter desperation and was most grateful just because I helped him in closing the case. Imagine! With this kind of extreme victimisation of the victim himself, what legitimacy can the Police have? Is there a way out? Yes, very much. All cases should be reviewed on a monthly basis and there should be no non-Special Report cases pending for more than three months. This is easy to achieve. In case a case has been closed due to lack of evidence, it can be revived later if fresh evidence is forthcoming. 

Every single day, we wake up to news that such and such person has been denied bail on flimsy grounds. Even though he was arrested on cooked-up charges. That is between the Courts and the arrested person. Police can’t so anything about it. What the Police can do is, avoid wrongful arrest. How? Penalise it. 

Unlike in the US and elsewhere, there is no penalty mandated for wrongful arrest in India and the police and the politicians have had a free pass to do a lot of reprehensible things for too long, taking advantage of this. The cop leadership can do it internally and mete out exemplary punishment. The SP or DCP knows when a wrongful arrest has happened. Instead of turning a blind eye to it or starting a Departmental Enquiry, he can arrest the offender and put him behind bars. In a Police lock-up. I did just that when I was SP so I know how extraordinarily effective that is, to restore public confidence in “the system.”

The long goodbye

 

It must have been extremely difficult and back-breaking. Raising five kids on a school teacher’s salary. Plus, the guests at our house would very often go up to 20 or more. Most of the way, there was no household help. Just the utensils to be washed and the cooking would be something. My Mom bore it all stoically. And, managed to be cheerful. Basically, she is as non-complaining as one can get. 

In her old age, I have wanted to make her as comfortable as possible and shifted to a new house primarily because there is a servant quarter there. Six months into the stay there, she complained of severe stomach disorder. She was not able to describe the symptoms accurately but looked like, the chief complaint was major gastric discomfort. The distress was so acute that she had to be admitted at Apollo, Kolkata. A whole battery of tests didn’t throw up anything significant. With the medications, when the symptoms eased, she was discharged. After returning home, again, the distress rebounded. Various doctors, gastro-enterologist, diabetologist, internal medicine specialist and so on were at their wit’s end. When I asked if any further investigation can be done, the doctors said everything had been tested for; the only thing left was a whole body PET-CT scan but that was not indicated. On my own, I got that too done and the results were normal. 

During all these rounds of doctors and hospitals, one doctor suggested gently that since organically nothing is being found, should I be thinking of a psychiatric consult? Since, as I mentioned earlier, she is very far from being the complaining kind, I didn’t put much store by that and even the doctor was not very convinced about the need. 

Slowly, she took to bed almost the whole day. She stopped all activities, even her Puja in the morning and evening. After some time, she almost stopped eating because of lack of appetite. In front of my eyes, she kept shrinking and withering away, with severe weight loss. After about six months from the onset of the symptoms I had exhausted all other possible doctors and, in desperation, consulted a psychiatrist. After hearing the details and checking the voluminous medical records, he was confident that it was a case of what is called Major Depressive Disorder (MDD). I didn’t share his confidence but tried out the medication (anti-depressant and anti-anxiety) that he prescribed. Lo and behold, the situation improved dramatically. By the second consult, the psychiatrist asked me stop all the medicines prescribed by gastro-enterology. 

Mom is back to her morning walks, pujas, meals, cooking and so on. 

I had read about mental health but never realised that it could have such severe physical manifestations. I am grateful to the psychiatrist’s confidence – probably that stemmed from the fact that his own father is also suffering from MDD. 

Mom has also been diagnosed with early dementia and that is scary. After reading about it, what I gather about dementia is, it is a shrinking of the brain or its capacity. It starts with forgetting things (my Mom’s current stage). If the disease progresses, the patient changes physically, forgets his near and dear ones. The patient can eventually become bedridden and not be able to eat or drink or talk. However, there is a chance that the disease doesn’t progress and I am hoping for that. 

Meanwhile, many things have needed to be recalibrated. For example, I see to it that Mom is never alone. Even when I have to travel, I ask for one of my siblings to come and stand guard or first travel with her to the sibling’s place and keep her there for the duration. When she goes for her walk, I accompany her and after bringing her back, go for my own walk and exercises. I am having to change the lock on the house door so that she can’t open it on her own and wander away. I have locked away all medicines in the house and certain eatables so that she doesn't accidentally overdose/overconsume. I came across a set of very good advice on how to behave around a dementia patient and am reproducing it here:

Dementia is called “the long goodbye.” I am hoping that goodbye never comes or even if it does, it is far away in the future. Meanwhile, I take each day as an adventure anew …

Stop whining, start shining

 

I guess this must be so in other departments. In Police, throughout my career, I kept hearing why the politicians and IAS officers wouldn’t let Police reforms happen so the Policing in India continues to be in a sorry state. Frankly, those big-ticket Police reforms as mandated by the Supreme Court are beyond our control but there are a plethora of reforms we should have done by now if we had not been enslaved by the colonial systems and mindset. 

It is entirely within the powers of the SP or DCP to make the process of registering an FIR easier and more transparent. What does it cost to just tell the officers to register each single complaint? Horrible proliferation in number of cases. Does it matter for promotion or posting? We think it does but it doesn’t. When I joined a district as SP, there was a ceremonial hand-over, a sort of passing the baton from the previous SP to me. All the SHOs of the Police Stations and their supervisors attended to witness. And assess the new incumbent, i.e., me! After the event, and after the predecessor left, I found the guys crowding around so I thought they expected some pearls of wisdom to issue forth from my lips. I scratched my head to come up with something and then told them, look, I don’t want any suppression or minimisation. Any complaint that comes should be registered and under the proper section of law. The expression on their collective face was a picture. Then I told them, all warranties must be arrested and that would be a primary focus during the monthly Crime Conference. Till date, I remember the consternation on their faces. 

Words have consequences. 

In the first month of my assuming charge, the number of dacoities in that small district was four. Compared to four dacoities in the entire previous year. I panicked. If I managed to hike that most heinous of crimes, dacoity, from 4 to 48 in a year, where would I be? I made bold to call the one who was above us all, the Director General & Inspector General of Police and told him. He was intrigued and asked why I was telling him such mundane things. I said there was a request: four dacoities were reported in the previous year, I’d “achieved” four in the first month – could he kindly consider only the detection rate and not the numbers, please? He was non-committal. Unfortunately, none of the four cases in the previous year had been detected; the four cases in my first month were not only detected but about 90 % of the property robbed was recovered. I tried telling the DGP but by then, these were mere statistics for him. Meanwhile, crimes against property declined in the district and I was kind of sitting pretty. 

What happens if you commit a crime and disappear? The cops try for a while and then submit a chargesheet showing you as absconder. The Magistrate then issues a warrant for your arrest.  This is sent to the same Police Station where the crime was committed. You become a warranty. Executing a warrant is the least of priorities for an SHO and it’s just a statistic. Every month, during the Crime Conference, the SP or DCP checks how many warrants were disposed off and how many new ones were received and whether, on balance, the SHO is ahead of the game. So, if a particular warrant is never executed/ disposed off, there’s practically no accountability and the criminal gets away scot-free ... 

I checked the number of warranties and it turned out to be 163. This looked like a low number. I collected the details from the Court records and the actual figure turned out to be 5,617. In the monthly reports, I submitted that figure to my higher-ups and, immediately, there was a query as to how I’d managed to increase the crimes so much within one month of my joining. I replied suitably and was rewarded with further scathing “queries.” Until I left the district, these queries and replies continued and for all I know, they may still be going on, 24 years hence. 

Be that as it may, I set about arresting these people in right earnest. 

I found an able partner-in-crime (actually, partner-in-crime-control) in a young officer who was under training in the district. He told me that he was examining the warrants at a Police Station but the moment he touched one particular warrant, everybody was shivering. It was in the name of one Haren Bishu (name changed). I enquired and found out that he was the right-hand man of the local big leader of the ruling party. When the Chief Minister came visiting, he drove the CM’s car. And so on. There were reportedly seven warrants against him. The courts had given scathing observations and orders regarding non-execution of the warrants. When the local leader met me the next day for something else, I told him about the warrants and asked him to get him to surrender. He hemmed and hawed and went away. Two days later, Haren Bishu was detained on a routine traffic offence and the SHO rang me up. I told him to immediately produce him in Court against the warrants. About an hour or two later, I went on a round of the town to check if there was any disturbance. I found all the shops closed and not a single person on the road in that bustling town. Concerned, I asked one shopkeeper (about to close his shop) as to what the problem was and why the roads were vacant. He said, everyone had gone to the Court to witness Haren Bishu’s arrest – it was such a huge event! It turned out there were actually not seven but 23 warrants pending against him, all for heinous crimes like murder, arson and so on. And, he had never been arrested. Next day onwards, there were queues of people waiting to surrender in the courts against their warrants. It made my life a little easier. 

These are small measures but can cause problems for the SP, generally in terms of transfers. I also saw some unseasonal transfers and attempts at transfers. “Lekin, itne badliyon ke baad bhi, hum nahi badle …” 

[Stop whining, start shining]

Lies, damned lies II

In an earlier blog (https://b-b-dash.blogspot.com/2022/09/lies-damned-lies.html), I held forth on how cops are relying on statistics just like a drunken man relies on a lamp post, for support rather than illumination. In one of the responses, someone asked me what should be done then. Since the answer would’ve been a little involved, long-winded and possibly extremely boring, I desisted. Recently, during the event for launching of my book (Police in Blunderland) in Kolkata, the question cropped up again when the moderator asked me what the policy makers should do. I answered briefly that they should do away with the existing statistics and, instead, stick to two measures. Here’s the full answer which I couldn’t give in a Q & A session. 

The problem has been that the Police and the public have not been working together. It’s desirable that they should and we should measure whether they are working together. Let’s surmise how. 

Suppose we don’t bother about how many murders are committed this year vis-à-vis last year. Murders need to go up because the population is going up, propensity and rewards of crime are going up, while police/ population ratio is either static or going down. Any statistic to the contrary is a chimera. So, let’s see if we’re getting together with the public to improve the crime situation. Let’s change the statistical game and measure one statistic, no. of citizen-assisted arrests as a proportion of total arrests at each Police Station/ District/ State/ Country. That will help us figure out whether the public is with us or against us and whether we are working with the public or not. 

How does that help? Let’s take a terrorist event. The event is a culmination of at least seven preceding processes that the terrorist himself undertakes, (i) recce, (ii) elicitation, (iii) testing security, (iv) acquiring supplies, (v) suspicious persons who do not belong, (vi) dry runs and (vii) developing assets. If citizens have a good working relationship with the police, each of these signs will be noticed and reported. On the other hand, if an adversarial role exists between the police and the citizenry, it will always be “not my problem, who wants the hassle?” For police to gather the information, it entails enormous costs in terms of manpower deployment, surveillance, interception through very expensive equipment and so on whereas the information is available to the citizenry practically free of cost. For policing to be effective and cost efficient, it needs to be “co-produced” because citizens have more information at lesser cost than the police. 

Will it make a difference to the crime situation? It will, if we measure the crime situation correctly. The crime situation is not the number of murders or dacoity or theft or so on. It is something called the “cost of crime.” Now, what strange animal is this? 

The cost of crime is the sum total of Victim Costs + Avoidance Costs  + Community Costs + Residual Fear + Criminal Justice Costs + Offender Costs. 

The victim costs include tangible losses like property loss, value of lives lost, medical costs, burial/ cremation costs, mental health care costs, wage and productivity loss, legal costs, household service loss, school days loss and intangible losses like pain and suffering. Avoidance costs are the costs of the precautions potential victims take to avoid the crime, e.g., burglar alarm system, CCTV cameras, shifting residence to less crime-prone or gated community, etc.. Community costs include costs of hotlines, public announcements, neighbourhood watch schemes, etc.. Residual fear pertains both to victims and potential victims and persists long after a crime is committed. Criminal justice costs include police and investigative costs, costs pertaining to prosecution (courts, lawyers, witnesses’ time, victim’s time in court) and costs of prison facility, etc.. For the period the offender is incarcerated, he is not economically productive so there is an offender cost in terms of lost productivity and so on. 

All this sounds quite a handful but, actually, these costs are already being calculated in some countries, and quite effectively too. India, with its serious intellectual and IT capability will be quickly up to the task if only there is the will. Once a software is in place, it can easily feed off the details from the FIR and other documents already available digitally. If this total cost of crime per capita or per policeman comes down, that would be a definitive achievement. 

In these columns, I have been pressing for online registration of FIRs for all crimes, including for false complaints. Certain categories of cases are now possible to be registered online in certain jurisdictions but things haven’t progressed much. We fear false cases too much. Robust prosecution for false cases will bring that problem down. This is an issue I propose to elaborate upon later.

Poking and prying around AVSEC II

Whenever any policy maker wants to improve the passenger experience at Indian airports, he obsesses on the waiting times in queues. As such, there is a lot of pressure on BCAS and the security agencies to reduce that waiting time, even at the cost of screening thoroughness. This is a serious, undesirable trade-off.  Also, most stakeholders (in those 100-odd meetings, remember?) emphasise that the passengers are put off by too much of uniform and an intrusive security presence. What my research threw up was at serious odds with this. 

It is true that a larger number of passengers felt that the waiting times at various security related queues were longer than expected. However, the passenger’s irritation about these is far outweighed by his positive feelings about the favourable aspects of Indian aviation security like our security equipment, procedures, security staff quality, their professionalism, the optics, security-related information flow, threat perception and so on. Further, rather than being irritated by it, the Indian passenger is actually happier and feels safer with higher presence of uniformed personnel around. One of the reasons for this is that he feels that the threat to the nation’s security and its aviation is extremely high.

Waiting time related irritation does not impact the passenger’s satisfaction with aviation security or the passenger’s willingness to participate in the security process or his willingness to pay the security fee; It also has no backward linkages in that no other input factor influences it. Hence, the current obsession of stake holders on reducing security-related waiting times even at the cost of security thoroughness needs to stop.

We must give greater attention to the need of the female passengers who are rating all the aviation security factors lower than their male counterparts. One possible reason could be privacy concerns around screening, their hand baggage and intimate items being scanned by male staff, requirement to remove mangalsutra (auspicious necklace worn by married women) and so on. Another reason may be a male-dominated security staffing. The cause should be further examined and the issue addressed, possibly through more no-contact screening like body scanner, greater female staffing, especially access control and guidance, and segregated handbag screening and threat resolution by female staff. Passengers of international flights tend to rate the security factors less favourably. While there is no variation in perception based on type of residence (urban, rural, etc.), region (north, south, etc.), frequency of flying and age, there is significant variation by education level and income of the passenger. In the communication strategies and interaction, it may be worthwhile to veer away from the current one-size-fits-all approach and adopt a segmented offering. The positive feelings about the aviation security factors are high while the passenger is at the airport and tend to wane after he goes off-airport. To have an engaged passenger, a certain amount of promotion (at least informational) of the security efforts is called for.

The three factors that together go on to create a passenger highly satisfied with aviation security are security staff quality, security equipment and procedures and optics and directions, in that order. In staff quality, the perceived training level at the passenger screening point is the most important. Rather than equipment, the screening procedure of passenger screening is important to the passenger, e.g., fairness in selection of passenger for enhanced screening, satisfactory grievance resolution, etc.. Under optics and directions, security-related guidance by the staff is of critical importance.

Whenever there is any new or fancy security gadget anywhere in the world, the security agencies involved in aviation demand it for India. I confess, I’ve also been part of this when I headed BCAS. As a result, India has some of the best technology in aviation security, e.g., Perimeter Intrusion Detection System, Body scanners, 3-D baggage scanners, Pan-Tilt-Zoom (PTZ) cameras, advanced explosives detection systems, robotic handling devices for suspicious bags and controlled explosions and so on; however, the study showed that there is no substitute for the human factor for creating a passenger happy with the aviation security. When one examines each of the composite factors going into making for a satisfied passenger, the most critical sub-factor is the human-related one. Thus, under security staff, training perception of the security staff at the passenger screening checkpoint is the critical element. Under security procedures, it is the passenger screening; under optics, it is the security guidance by staff (rather than all those fancy SMS and WhatsApp); under security information, explain-speak by staff; under security fee, transparent usage of it; and, under security participation, assisting the security staff. Thus, the human element has stood out as important throughout the various stages of the research. Since there is a trade-off between investing in machines versus investing in humans, if passenger satisfaction be the goal, a greater emphasis on the latter is clearly indicated.

 

Why should we aim to have a passenger who is happy with aviation security? The passenger has to go through it whether he likes it or not. What difference does it make whether he likes it or is extremely irritated by it? Let’s look a little closer. Mandated or not, security is also a service like other service components of air travel like timeliness, comfort, etc.. Believe it or not, “safety and security” is THE most important component of service quality for a passenger in air travel. Study after study confirms this beyond doubt. Service is not like a physical product. It is co-created by the customer. A passenger buying in to security makes for a qualitatively better and more robust security and better throughput because it cuts down the negotiation time between passenger and security personnel and also reduces screening time as the passenger is more co-operative. This, apart from generating valuable intelligence and information for the security personnel.

 

What is also a little less obvious is that even though it’s a mandated service, aviation security does operate in a competitive environment. As the road and rail transport get speedier and smoother and air travel becomes more affordable and accessible to the lower rungs of society because of the ambitious UDAN scheme (Ude Desh ke Aam Naagrik), air travel competes increasingly with other modes of transport. The cost of security in terms of the aviation security fee and inconvenience of waiting times and security processes comes into play in enplanement decisions. The security service providers themselves compete with each other. There has been a lot of lobbying to replace CISF which is perceived as costly even though the DG, BCAS sleeps a whole lot better in the night because CISF is in charge at most of the airports. The passenger also exercises a choice in terms of the price he pays for security by his opinions and perceptions articulated through the public representatives – that is why aviation security fee has been very difficult to revise upwards. A passenger happier with the security will be more willing to pay a higher fee.

 

The passenger is telling us a few things loud and clear. Are we prepared to listen?

Poking and prying around AVSEC

  

This week, something funny happened. I was awarded a PhD by IIT, Delhi, at the sprightly young age of 63!

 

During my tenure at Bureau of Civil Aviation Security (BCAS), I must have attended more than a hundred meetings pertaining to matters security. Most of these meetings were marked by heated arguments and counter-arguments about the security apparatus, the need for some of the measures and equipment, the costs, who should pay, etc.. Usually, it’s either BCAS as Veer Abhimanyu ranged against pouncing stake holders bothered about their bottom lines or the security agencies vis-à-vis the rest and the twain never meet. In all this, I found that somehow people have forgotten to ask the critical guy, the passenger, as to what he feels about it all. Even though, in the debates, each one professes to be standing up for what is good for the passenger. So, for my Ph D research, I decided to go to the passenger and ask him/ her. I collected a large number of responses and let the data take me where they would.

 

While some of the findings were along expected lines, some things took me by surprise. Given another go at heading BCAS, I’d do quite a few things differently.

 

I have earlier mentioned in these columns that India is doing extremely well in aviation security, as evidenced by the ICAO audit results. Well, India is not only doing well, it is seen by the passenger to be doing well too. Passengers rate different aspects of the Indian aviation security efforts very high. More importantly, their desire to participate in the security process outweighs even these high ratings. This gives the lie to the attitude of the security agencies that the average passenger needs to be reined in and will violate security regulations unless compelled to comply. So far, we haven’t co-opted the passenger in the security process. Given another stint at BCAS, I’d change that. Nothing much required, really. Just ask him what he feels about things, what he would like changed, open dialogues with the many passenger associations, association of persons with disability, passengers with special needs like autism, engage them under supervision for evacuation, escorting, etc. during bomb threat drills, even train them for assisting and do’s and don’ts during a hijack or other security incidents.

 

When I was in BCAS, it was mandated that at least 15 % of the hand baggage needed to be opened for manual checking. The security agencies were finding it difficult to meet that quota. However, a full 37 % of the passengers surveyed during my research now indicated that they were asked to open their hand baggage. This was a little unexpected. What was expected and hasn’t changed from my time is that a full 79 % of the passengers were not aware that they were paying an aviation security fee. Another 14 %, while being aware of it, did not know the amount. This is the fee charged on the ticket when you book. These do not indicate a happy state of affairs and the reasons are historical attitudes of which I myself have been guilty too.

 

The security providers and the security recipients are operating in silos, in adversarial lock-step. Although the passenger is paying, he is not told what or why he is paying. Actually, there is always apprehension in the minds of the policy makers that the passenger would react adversely to paying for security. Further, that he would be furious about any increase in the same. On the contrary, the survey indicated that the passengers who know about it are very favourable towards the security fee, feel that it is not only justified but also it would be used transparently. They are also in favour of paying more and would be happy with differential pricing based on class of ticket, airport size, threat categorization of airport and so on. Although this may make it more complicated, it may be worth a pilot trial, especially because many of the airports complain that the fees collected fall short of security payouts that they have to bear.

 

A service provider focused approach (as opposed to a customer-centric approach) can have counter-productive consequences. For example, the Hold Baggage System (HBS). These are the centralized baggage scanning systems you find in the bigger airports. In the smaller airports, you hand over your registered checked-in baggage to an airline guy manning his airline’s X-ray machine. So, you’ve to run around finding out where your particular airline has set up shop, go there yourself, put the bag into the machine. After it is cleared, the airline guy puts some sticker or strap on it to prevent tampering, then you carry it yourself to the airline check-in counter which need not be close to that airline’s X-ray machine, hand it in, the check-in person verifies the seal/ strap and then starts the check-in process. On the other hand, under the HBS, you just hand it in at the check-in counter for an integrated check-in and baggage screening, regardless of the airline. This was expected to improve the passenger experience and reduce his inconveniences. However, the survey threw up the result that the passengers are associating this system with longer waiting times and are getting irritated by it. Either the added waiting times at the check-in counter is outweighing the convenience or the perception needs to be acted upon. HBS is extremely expensive and if it doesn’t lead to higher passenger satisfaction, something is not right. There is also the added matter of HBS improving the security because individual airlines may have differing screening standards and security is as strong as its weakest link. Why not tell the passenger?

 

[To be concluded]

Tall people and their mango tales II

 

When I was a lowly DIG, supervision of a training centre was part of my remit. Whenever a new course was started at the training centre, I would put up a note on a file seeking instruction as to which dignitary could spare time to inaugurate the same. The file moves upward, through the IG, then ADG to DG. On one occasion, the DG begged off as he had other commitments. So did the ADG as he was going to be out of station. The IG wrote that he would inaugurate. That should have completed the matter. However, the IG’s PA brought the file personally back to me. He said that what was written was only part of the story; the IG also desired that I should go to his house to personally escort him to the training centre. This was unusual. I checked with my organisation and other organisations and there was no such practice anywhere. So I went to the IG and suggested that I’d receive him at the training centre and he agreed. 

The next morning, a Saturday, I received a call from the Commandant of the training centre. He told me that IG sahab had asked him to convey that he desired me to escort him from his house. Actually, if he had invited me to his house, I’d probably have gone happily. What he was trying was to humiliate me in the eyes of subordinates showing how superior he was and how I was less than dust beneath his chariot wheels. However, I politely told the Commandant that I’d talked to the IG and he’d agreed that I should receive him at the training centre. A few minutes later, I received another call from the Commandant reiterating the “instructions.” I was now het up and told him that “no force on earth can compel me to do that little thing” and he must convey these exact words to the IG and “report compliance.” On the appointed day, I landed up at the training centre in time, waited for the IG who kept waiting for me at his house and left after the due hour was past. The IG fretted and fumed and finally went sputtering to the training centre alone to formally inaugurate. For such and other persistent conduct and, on the complaints of a large number of officers, his career went into a tailspin, never to recover again.

 

One of my DGs once hosted a farewell party for his batchmate, another DG. Just before the party started, he called me and passed an important instruction – the band should play the theme song of “Eyes of Laura Mars” exactly when he would hand over the memento to the outgoing officer. Luckily, I didn’t take any chances and called the bandmaster to receive the instruction directly from him. The bandmaster politely nodded and walked off. The moment came for the final speeches and the handing over of the memento. The band burst forth into a beautiful rendition of “Laal dupatta mal mal ka …” The DG was furious and summoned me to vent his anger. I politely reminded him that he had directly instructed the bandmaster who was now summoned in turn and the DG let loose upon him. To which, the bandmaster sheepishly replied, “Kya karen sahab, ek hi tune practice kiye the …” [We can play any tune provided it’s Laal dupatta mal mal ka …]

 

When I was in BCAS, I once received a call from an IG in a state. His request for a pass to the tarmac of Delhi airport had been turned down. He had done all the research regarding my batchmates in the IPS and contacted some of them to persuade me and had drawn a blank because each of them had told him that I was too pig-headed. He tried to contact the Secretary in the Ministry and learnt that I had filed a case against the Secretary. In his desperation, he had checked my entire academic journey and found that he had gone to the same school which I attended from 3^rd standard to 5^th standard. He used that as the conversation opener.

 

Why he went to all this trouble was that his CM was arriving by a special flight and he wanted to receive him at the tarmac. I told him that any kind of reception or send-off is not permitted on the tarmac. He begged and pleaded but I couldn’t accommodate him. Finally, he said that when the CM got down from the plane, if he is not there with a flower bouquet, his job will be gone. Be that as it may, I didn’t give him the Airport Entry Permit and do not know what happened to him. His concern and desperation were genuine.

 

Whenever the same CM used to travel by air, all the Ministers in the state cabinet used to land up at the airport to see him off. Since reception and send-off were not permitted in the airport, this used to cause a lot of chaos. Finally, the CISF in-charge at the airport devised a formula. He would draw a circle in chalk just outside the airport entry gate and all the Ministers would stand inside that circle. What he found was that the Ministers would land up and stand inside that circle with heads bowed and the CM’s cavalcade would zoom past. In exasperation, he asked one of the Ministers what was the point of standing there with heads bowed when there was no greeting; even the CM wouldn’t even notice them individually. One of the Ministers enlightened him, “He’d later check the video footage and from their facial expression, he’d determine who was how loyal.”

 

Why people do these things is beyond me. Oonche log aur unke aam baaten. Tall people and their mango tales! Or, the higher a monkey climbs, the more you see of its bottom.