Tall people and their mango tales II

 

When I was a lowly DIG, supervision of a training centre was part of my remit. Whenever a new course was started at the training centre, I would put up a note on a file seeking instruction as to which dignitary could spare time to inaugurate the same. The file moves upward, through the IG, then ADG to DG. On one occasion, the DG begged off as he had other commitments. So did the ADG as he was going to be out of station. The IG wrote that he would inaugurate. That should have completed the matter. However, the IG’s PA brought the file personally back to me. He said that what was written was only part of the story; the IG also desired that I should go to his house to personally escort him to the training centre. This was unusual. I checked with my organisation and other organisations and there was no such practice anywhere. So I went to the IG and suggested that I’d receive him at the training centre and he agreed. 

The next morning, a Saturday, I received a call from the Commandant of the training centre. He told me that IG sahab had asked him to convey that he desired me to escort him from his house. Actually, if he had invited me to his house, I’d probably have gone happily. What he was trying was to humiliate me in the eyes of subordinates showing how superior he was and how I was less than dust beneath his chariot wheels. However, I politely told the Commandant that I’d talked to the IG and he’d agreed that I should receive him at the training centre. A few minutes later, I received another call from the Commandant reiterating the “instructions.” I was now het up and told him that “no force on earth can compel me to do that little thing” and he must convey these exact words to the IG and “report compliance.” On the appointed day, I landed up at the training centre in time, waited for the IG who kept waiting for me at his house and left after the due hour was past. The IG fretted and fumed and finally went sputtering to the training centre alone to formally inaugurate. For such and other persistent conduct and, on the complaints of a large number of officers, his career went into a tailspin, never to recover again.

 

One of my DGs once hosted a farewell party for his batchmate, another DG. Just before the party started, he called me and passed an important instruction – the band should play the theme song of “Eyes of Laura Mars” exactly when he would hand over the memento to the outgoing officer. Luckily, I didn’t take any chances and called the bandmaster to receive the instruction directly from him. The bandmaster politely nodded and walked off. The moment came for the final speeches and the handing over of the memento. The band burst forth into a beautiful rendition of “Laal dupatta mal mal ka …” The DG was furious and summoned me to vent his anger. I politely reminded him that he had directly instructed the bandmaster who was now summoned in turn and the DG let loose upon him. To which, the bandmaster sheepishly replied, “Kya karen sahab, ek hi tune practice kiye the …” [We can play any tune provided it’s Laal dupatta mal mal ka …]

 

When I was in BCAS, I once received a call from an IG in a state. His request for a pass to the tarmac of Delhi airport had been turned down. He had done all the research regarding my batchmates in the IPS and contacted some of them to persuade me and had drawn a blank because each of them had told him that I was too pig-headed. He tried to contact the Secretary in the Ministry and learnt that I had filed a case against the Secretary. In his desperation, he had checked my entire academic journey and found that he had gone to the same school which I attended from 3^rd standard to 5^th standard. He used that as the conversation opener.

 

Why he went to all this trouble was that his CM was arriving by a special flight and he wanted to receive him at the tarmac. I told him that any kind of reception or send-off is not permitted on the tarmac. He begged and pleaded but I couldn’t accommodate him. Finally, he said that when the CM got down from the plane, if he is not there with a flower bouquet, his job will be gone. Be that as it may, I didn’t give him the Airport Entry Permit and do not know what happened to him. His concern and desperation were genuine.

 

Whenever the same CM used to travel by air, all the Ministers in the state cabinet used to land up at the airport to see him off. Since reception and send-off were not permitted in the airport, this used to cause a lot of chaos. Finally, the CISF in-charge at the airport devised a formula. He would draw a circle in chalk just outside the airport entry gate and all the Ministers would stand inside that circle. What he found was that the Ministers would land up and stand inside that circle with heads bowed and the CM’s cavalcade would zoom past. In exasperation, he asked one of the Ministers what was the point of standing there with heads bowed when there was no greeting; even the CM wouldn’t even notice them individually. One of the Ministers enlightened him, “He’d later check the video footage and from their facial expression, he’d determine who was how loyal.”

 

Why people do these things is beyond me. Oonche log aur unke aam baaten. Tall people and their mango tales! Or, the higher a monkey climbs, the more you see of its bottom.