Machhe bhaate Bangali vs Jhaal muri

 

This election in West (Waste?) Bengal has been reduced to Machhe bhaate Bangali vs Jhaal muri, i.e, who’s how native. After Phase I, everyone is crowing about the 93 % voter turnout benefiting him/ her. I took a long walk in the neighbourhood park, cast aside all my feelings and emotions as a lapsed cop and an agnostic voter (I never voted even for a college election till 2014) and thought about what I should do. 

I – as a voter, not as a lapsed cop or a born-again Bengali – have been very angry. 

First, the SIR (Special Intensive Revision). I’m all for cleaning up the electoral rolls but the way it was done was disgusting. What exactly was the almighty hurry? The process should’ve been done over 10 months or so. Instead, it was compressed to four months with the Election Commission of India (ECI) playing constant hide-and-seek, creating havoc and untold misery for a lot of people. 

First, there was a physical enumeration form which was as confusing as it gets. I waited for an online thing. When it didn’t happen, I decided to fill it up physically. It was such a challenge. A stamp size photo had to be put on the form. I rushed to get a photo made for myself and a print for my Mom. When I reached the photo studio, there was a mile long queue there. People were puzzled as to how to map their names to their or their parents’ entries in the earlier SIR of 2002. None of the people in the queue could remember the polling booth where they or their parents had cast their votes after the last SIR which was 23 years back. For me, it was doubly challenging because I voted in 2014 for the first time. My father had passed away before the last SIR in Odisha. My Mom was in no position to recall where she had voted or whether she had voted in Odisha in 2002. 

When I checked for the Odisha locality on the ECI website, all the voter lists were in PDF files and one had to go through each one booth by booth, each booth having hundreds of names. I went through two lists without finding the name. In the third list, I was about to give up when I lit upon my Mom’s name and it was a eureka moment! I’m sure most people in my position gave up. This was ridiculous. Why not have these in machine-readable format? If that was due to paucity of time, it was the ECI’s problem, not the voters’. They should have taken the time and made it machine readable or searchable and then and only then should have inflicted this horror. 

Encouraged by this, I volunteered to help out as many as possible, especially the menial staff working around me. With some, I succeeded, with most I didn’t. 

After all this, suddenly, out of the blue, there was something called “logical discrepancy.” There  was nothing logical about it. More hideously, it was inflicted in a covert fashion without any prior information or notice. This was criminal and IMHO, the courts should’ve struck it down immediately and directed ECI to explain the logic first, educate and inform the voter beforehand and then undertake SIR. Imagine a migrant labour having to travel thrice from Haryana or Rajasthan because ECI kept inventing rules as they went along. Many of them lost their jobs and livelihood. 

Net, net, everybody is angry with the way the SIR was conducted. And they don’t think of ECI as an independent body in this regard but think of ECI as an extension of the Central government. 

TMC (Trinamool Congress) has done two clever things. Their campaign song, “Je lorche sobar daake, sei jetabe bangla maa ke” (The one who fights for everyone's call, will make Mother Bengal victorious) has an inclusive tone which resonates in West Bengal. It also highlights how Didi is fighting alone against a whole array of Prime Minister, Central Ministers, other Chief Ministers and the might of the Central government misused through ED, CBI and so on. Conversely, the BJP (Bharatiya Janata Party) slogan, “Paltano darker, chai BJP Sarkar” (Need change, want BJP government) sounds flat and a little negative. 

The TMC masterstroke has been “Maachhe bhaate bangali” announcement right at the beginning of the campaigning process. This represented the inseparable bond between Bengalis and their traditional diet, rooted in the riverine landscape of Bengal; it also brought to the fore the Bengali cultural identity vis-à-vis the culture in BJP-ruled states, specifically, FIR and arrests of some people having “dared to” have non-veg on a boat in a river and so on. 

After these two stratagems, BJP was only playing catch-up. However, no amount of photo-op of Central ministers munching meat, candidates campaigning with fish in hand and so on could dispel the miasma of “alien culture” sticking to the party. The photo-op of the PM partaking of jhaal muri was seen through for what it was, just carefully choreographed dramebaazi. 

As the campaign progressed, BJP seemed to be besieged with some kind of death wish. In the last assembly election, BJP was on a very strong wicket – even Didi lost her own seat. One of the main reasons they lost then was that Didi-o-didi catcalling which consolidated the women votes solidly behind her. Again, there has been “Ei didi, kaan khol kar sun lo,” “Ulta latka kar seedha kardenge,” “Ei Bangal ke Police” aur kya kya. 

Then there was the extraordinary order of a nine-day booze ban, without precedent, without justification. If anyone was not riled enough, this has put the final nail in the coffin. 

Finally, these campaigns saw the unlimbering by TMC of a political phenomenon called Sayani Ghosh. She has taken the firmament by storm. She has spoken fiercely, she has sung, she has danced, she has given interviews by the dozen and she has been a crowd-puller and crowd-enchanter par excellence. 

With all this, my guesstimate is, Didi is winning by a landslide. Unless there is a miracle. Or, rigging on an industrial scale. Given the unexpected things that happened in Haryana and Maharashtra and the statistically impossible 93 % voter turnout in the first phase, what can one say …

"Organised" chaos

 

A small group of people in Central Armed Police Forces (CAPFs) have been demanding their services to be Organised Group A Services (OGAS) so that their organisations would remain uncontaminated and they would get their just dues. They’ve “organised” themselves with a rarely-seen-before ferocity and insubordinate, intemperate language and have convinced a large number of people that all that is wrong with the country and its foundations is something evil called the IPS. 

This is ridiculous. The arguments advanced are specious. 

The first argument is that the Assistant Commandants are recruited by UPSC so they should be on par with any other person recruited by UPSC. UPSC is mandated by the Constitution for appointments to the services of the Union and All India Services. That doesn’t mean that all these services are equivalent and interchangeable. What they do not mention is that the examination and the level of competition are nowhere near the same. 

The second – and bizarre – argument is that IPS officers handle “minor” duties like law and order in the states whereas CAPF officers have to move at short notice anywhere in India and abroad to perform very onerous duties (interview at: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BHYcZDiJFnM). OMG, the reality is that mainstream policing is a thousand times more difficult – an SHO’s job itself is so complex that even after serving in the IPS for a lifetime I’ve wondered how these officers actually cope with so many things at the same time and still survive to face another day. 

A third argument is that the requisite qualifications for both IPS and CAPF officers are the same. In reality, the minimum qualification for all Group B services recruited by UPSC is also graduation, the same as for Group A services. Would a Section Officer then be eligible to be promoted to head a CAPF? 

Another argument: CAPF personnel have laid down their lives in large numbers in the service of the nation. But then, so have the other police personnel. As far as the Group A officers are concerned, IPS officers have led from the front, regardless of the rank. The near-fatal attacks on Mr. Ribeiro are too well-known. I have lost three of my own batchmates in attacks by terrorists. Do not talk to us regarding sacrifices and laying down lives. A CAPF officer is always with a large contingent of force while most times, an IPS officer rushes in with barely 5-6 constables and still manages to dominate mobs numbering thousands. 

The force morale is argued to be going down. No Sir, the only people who are affected and are agitating are the Assistant Commandant direct recruits. What about the morale of the lower ranks? Conversely, where will the IPS officer go and what about his/her morale? 40 % of the IPS posts are reserved for central deputation. Whenever an IPS officer is inconvenient to the political dispensation of the time, the state is too keen to put him on the offer list. Even though, theoretically, they are eligible to be posted anywhere, there seems to be an unwritten ban on IPS officers being posted in Ministries and non-security related posts. While Railway officers, Forest Service officers and even Estate service officers manage to get posted in our own Home Ministry, there have been hardly any IPS officers in the Ministry. In my entire career, I saw only four such. 

The sub-text of the arguments by these disgruntled officers is that IPS is injected from “outside” to pollute “their” organisations. What nonsense is this? What is it with “their” organisation? CAPFs are as much “their” organisation as it is ours. Barring CRPF, all the other CAPFs were founded and nurtured by brilliant officers from the IPS. Even CRPF underwent a much-needed wholesome transformation under the stewardship of IPS officers. The Britishers had designed it as an instrument of colonial oppression. Slowly, it has grown into a well-sensitised organisation with enormous contribution to nation-building and maintenance of the nation’s unity and integrity, while retaining the best of its earlier avatar such as zero-tolerance to indiscipline, extraordinary mobility and integrity across all ranks. 

In fact, all the CAPFs are shining examples of organisations any country would be proud of. That has been possible because of a healthy infusion of IPS officers who have brought into them the benefit of their vast experience from the nooks and corners of the country, their abilities, their vision and their connections across the governments. I was once visiting a unit and the Commandant had been trying to get some land for his unit for a year without even managing an appointment with the BDO even though the land had been earmarked for his unit. On his request, I took an appointment with the District Magistrate. Something which was pending for a year was resolved in half an hour. I'm not detailing the many successful intelligence-led operations which were feasible only because of the coordination of the IPS network. Many times, whom you know and can access is much more important than what you know. 

While the internal officers specialise in their organisations and the nitty-gritty of battalion management, I found that there is a reflexive hankering on their part to make these organisations into cheap copies of army-like units. However, that is not at all the purpose of these organisations. Army has a different role. Normally, they are supposed to stay in the barracks in battle-ready position for quick and mostly destructive mobilisation in extreme situations. Their other skirmishes are also designed to be engaged with overwhelming force. On the other hand, the CAPFs basically do a day-to-day policing job whether it’s in internal security or guarding duties – they tackle crimes of lawlessness, infiltration, etc. and serve as early warning and engagement systems too. 

How did we get here? The problem is not the IPS or the direct-recruit Assistant Commandants. The problem is, despite knowing the structure and the requirement of the CAPFs, there has been over-recruitment of Assistant Commandant level officers in the CAPFs. Induction has not been planned and systematic. The hierarchical pyramid has been distorted. Releasing just a few top posts “from the clutches of the IPS” as they put it won’t solve the problem of morale. The Supreme Court hasn’t gone into the systemic problem and has addressed only the existing situation. The morale would be improved if someone sits down and carefully calculates intake at each level for the future so that there is no stagnation at any level. The exercise is a little tedious, factoring in attrition rates, future requirements, etc. but is eminently doable. This exercise should ensure that a Sub Inspector would have some chance of reaching IG level and an Assistant Commandant would have an excellent chance of doing so. The entire organisation structure and the Recruitment Rules of each rank should be drastically redesigned to cater for this. That would boost the morale. 

With that organisation structure, the officers found surplus at each level right now should be given a strictly one-time alternative assignment – there are many organisations where they can have equivalent or better career prospects. That should include the state police forces. 

One final thing. The new bill has removed a lot of ambiguities but it hasn’t done enough. It’s silent on IPS intake for DIG rank and below. I feel, legislation/ Rules should designate 20 % posts of Commandant rank, 40 % of the DIG rank, 60 % of the IG rank, 67 % of the ADG rank and 100 % of the SDG/DG rank in CAPFs (to be renamed as Central Police Forces) for IPS officers. That would benefit the CAPFs, the IPS and the nation.

Remove him. Pronto!

 

Look at what devastation just one man’s whim has wrought all over the world. The middle east was expected to experience repercussions but life has become hell in places and countries far removed from the middle east and the Iran war. 

Butter chicken and Dosa are disappearing from Indian menus. Australian farmers are planting less wheat because of fertiliser shortfall (25 % of world’s fertiliser passes through the Strait of Hormuz, now renamed Strait of Trump by Trump himself). South Koreans have been urged to take shorter showers to reduce the energy consumption for heating the water. Sri Lanka now has shorter work weeks. Laos has shorter school weeks. Formula 1 has cancelled races. Concerts and shows have been postponed. Medicines, airfares, sugar, housing – practically all things have become costlier while gold prices and stock indices have crashed. Indian cities and towns now sport long lines for LPG. It is reported that there are now queues for petrol even in America. 

And the end to this guy’s madness is nowhere in sight. 

In June 2025, out of nowhere, he bombed Iran and said, “We wiped out the nuclear capability of Iran. We’ve obliterated it. That place is under a rock. They’re never going to have nuclear weapons.” The negotiations with Iran continued apace with what many perceived as the US having the whip hand. Iran was acceding to most of the demands but suddenly, in the middle of the negotiations, Trump again bombed Iran on February 28, 2026 and killed most of its leadership claiming that Iran was building nuclear weapons and was an existential threat to the US and Trump himself – “I attacked them before they could attack me.” Pray tell me, O Supreme Mis-leader, how could Iran build nuclear weapons when you had “obliterated” its nuclear capability and how could they attack you when they were under a rock? 

Trump described the bombing as “a little excursion” which had killed all the top leadership in Iran and said he would continue bombing for a week or so “just for fun.” On March 3, 2026, he said, “The war is pretty much complete.” The same day, he also said, “We haven’t won enough. We’ll not relent until the enemy is totally and decisively defeated.” 

On March 6, TSM (The Supreme Mis-leader) declared, “There will be no deal with Iran except UNCONDITIONAL SURRENDER!” On March 9, he said, “The war is almost over.” Almost? After obliteration in June 2025? On March 11, he claimed the war was won on February 28 in the first hour. On March 14, he begged NATO allies and even China for help in opening the Strait of Hormuz, or the Strait of Trump as he calls it now. On March 16, he said US never needed “THE HELP OF ANYONE!” – all caps and exclamation mark, as usual. 

On March 21, he gave a 48-hour deadline to Iran to open up the Strait, or else. Just before that deadline was up, he extended it to five days and again extended it to 10 days on March 26. He claimed that Iran was begging for a ceasefire and he was talking to them. He also said one ex-President told him enviously that he wished he’d done what Trump is doing now. The first one was blatantly false as Iran denied it immediately. The second statement was denied by all the ex-Presidents alive. Turns out, in both these cases, Trump was talking to himself. He is also an ex-President, isn’t he?! 

When asked how the time for ending the war would be decided, The Supreme Mis-leader stated, “I’ll know it in my bones.” However, his bones have not been a good enough barometer in the past. E.g., during Corona pandemic, his bones told him that masks and vaccines are contra-indicated but those two things and Oxygen were the only measures that actually worked. Despites his bones’ soothsaying abilities, Trump, Mis-leader himself came down with Corona. 

The bunch of jokers he has surrounded himself with - Vance, Hegseth, Rubio, et al. - are no less in all this confounding confusion. I add some of Arundhati Roy’s words to mine to describe the whole lot – “bloated, lying, cheating, greedy, resource-grabbing, bomb-dropping schizophrenics trying to bully the whole world into submission with their gratuitous violence and their s*^t for brains."

Obviously, The Supreme Mis-leader suffers from gross mental (and physical) incapacity to hold the job. Remove him, pronto, before he completely annihilates the whole world. It’s time to invoke the US 25^th amendment, section 4: 

"Whenever the Vice President and a majority of either the principal officers of the executive departments or of such other body as Congress may by law provide, transmit to the President pro tempore of the Senate and the Speaker of the House of Representatives their written declaration that the President is unable to discharge the powers and duties of his office, the Vice President shall immediately assume the powers and duties of the office as Acting President". 

This section has never been used but then Trump has a lot of firsts to his credit. He has been the first and only US President ever who has never served in the military. And a draft dodger, to boot.

Make America Go Away

 

This time, I’m venturing way above my pay grade, or domain expertise. International affairs. However, there’s no way to ignore the current cataclysmic events. One unhinged, narcissistic megalomaniac, in between his tweets, decided to attack Iran ("for a little excursion," as he put it) and look at what havoc has been wrought across the world. Far away in India which has no part in the war and its theatre, despite Police contacts, I managed an LPG refill with great difficulty, after a long delay. When this one runs out, I don’t know whether and when another refill will happen. Induction cookers have disappeared from the market. 

So many people have died, including a large number of schoolchildren. The fuel prices are shooting up all the time. International travel has almost come to a standstill. The entire world GDP growth has taken a nosedive. Major stock indices have fallen steeply. One lesser-known fact is, around 25% of global fertilizer production passes through the Strait of Hormuz - the war is causing worldwide spikes in agricultural costs and threatening global food security. The world is staring at a prolonged period of stagflation. 

In a way, I’m kinda happy that the Iran war happened. Hopefully, Bicycle Pump, that overgrown, entitled child would learn that there’re limits to his filthy, autocratic ways and language. However, things will get much worse before he realises that. 

He knows that he has bitten off way more than he can chew. He had obviously no clue as to how things might unfold. He has surrounded himself with bootlickers whose only priority is to anticipate what he wants to hear and then gleefully feed him the same in that echo chamber. Even an 8^th standard kid with a decent Atlas could’ve seen that in the Strait of Hormuz, Iran had an ace up its sleeve. A 9^th standard History book could have told him the resilience and the ingenuity of the Iranians. A 10^th standard knowledge of Economics could’ve shown him the havoc the war, and even before that the entire tariff madness, would have caused the world and America too. TACO (Trump Always Chickens Out) has now been replaced by TAMU – Trump Always Messes Up. 

However, despite knowing this, Trump will not be bothered. You know why? Even though 60 % of the Americans are against the war, his approval ratings amongst the MAGA Republicans have shot up to 100 %. As long as that holds, Trump will blithely carry on doing whatever he thinks he is doing for which the acronym is FAFO. There can only be two ways this abomination will stop. 

One, if he makes the cardinal mistake of putting American boots on the ground. Once the body bags start coming back from the trenches, that 100 % will start dipping. He was asked by reporters whether he was putting boots on the ground. His reply: “If I was, I won’t tell you but I’m not putting boots on the ground.” Brilliant – make of it what you will. 

The second way is if somehow, either through adverse mid-term election results or through being fed up with an attrition war, the MAGA public and through them the MAGA Republicans turn away from their rock-solid loyalty to Trump and the approval rating starts dipping – even a 10 % dip would make Orange-man panic. 

The whole world is against America now. It’s about time America stood up against that one man, Trump. And, save the world. MAGA now stands for Make America Go Away.

Keralam yum yum

 

These name-changes have broken out on our body politic like a body rash. Thus, Calcutta became Kolkata. Madras became Chennai. Bombay became Mumbai. Theatre Road became Shakespeare Sarani. Harrington Street became Ho Chi Minh Sarani. The latest is Keralam. 

Some of the changes are bizarre and do not have any logic. There actually never was a city called Kolkata. The Britishers purchased three villages (Sutanati, Kalikata and Gobindapur –and built up a city from scratch so the only name of the city ever was Calcutta. Gobindapur was the biggest and most prosperous of the three villages, where the Fort William and Maidan, etc., practically the heart of the city is situated. So, if there was a harking back to the past, it should have been Gobindapur. If one went even further back, it may not have been anything but an unnamed jungle or a water body. When Calcutta became Kolkata, an MLA from Darjeeling raised the demand to rename Darjeeling as Darling because apparently that was the original name of Darjeeling. 

What’s the point of it all? For the masses it’s just a declaration by a politician, a rose-by-another name kind of a thing. Not so. There are serious costs involved – the administrative costs of assembly/ parliament debates, updating signages, railway station records, airport records, bus records, official stationery, all official records including digital records, websites, business address changes, changes in the legal documents and so on. The estimable cost for changing the name of a large city alone is around Rs. 1,000 crores. Then there are the imponderables of the cost of rebuilding brand equity, goodwill etc. of things associated with the name. These have been built over such a long period of time and the costs are so much that the IITs and IIMs haven’t changed their names. So, they continue to be IIT, Madras, IIM, Calcutta and so on. There’re now high-decibel balloons floating to have the name of the country as “Bharat” only and obliterate “India” from all records. THAT is estimated to cost at least Rs. 14,000 cr in calculable costs alone. 

The recent name changes have been justified on the grounds of removing the vestiges of colonialism. Really? During colonial rule, there were the lords and masters and there were subjects. Has that changed? The lords and masters had saat khoon maaf; the subjects had only limited rights, as long as they were subservient and didn’t transgress the lords and masters and their divine right to rule. Different rules applied to the two classes and the rules kept getting made up for the colonised at the whims and mercies of the colonisers. 

Has that changed? No, Siree, not by a country mile. In fact, things have got worse. Police continue to slap cases on people left, right and centre, on mere suspicion, without enough evidence which will stand up in a court of law. Even when a case has no merit prima facie, the arrested persons stay behind bars for years, only to be discharged because even charges cannot be framed. Ministers lie in legislative bodies – even colonisers didn’t stoop to this. Thus a Minister proclaimed that they have done away with sedition laws while in actual fact, the replacement laws had become far more draconian and arbitrary. There has been severe centralisation of power and economic resources and suppression of inconvenient data and dissent which again are colonial characteristics. So, obviously, evisceration of colonialism is not the purpose behind the name changes. The only and only purpose for the name changes is to whip up false, jingoistic hyper-nationalism to fool the masses so that power can be perpetuated. 

Meanwhile, despite all this nonsense of not shaking hands on the Cricket field and laser-eye wala photoshoots, we are looking increasingly like a servile nation. The things that Trump has been doing to us since starting his second term and the language he and his coterie have been using about us smirks of a rabid colonial mindset. The fact that we are not able to push back or respond entrenches the image of a helpless, servile nation. We parole murder convicts and Trump paroles us for 30 days to “allow” us to buy Russian oil. 

We cannot really wish away our past by dropping chapters from school text books and changing names. The past existed; we need to accept it and not bury our heads in the sand. Many decisions taken by many people – both colonisers and colonised – were products of those times. Maturity lies in cherishing the good things that were done while critiquing the “bad” things with allowances for the milieu and thinking of those times. Constantly harking back to the past and trying to repaint it in polarising colours would keep us forever in the past. Let’s get a move on. 

In truth, these name-changes do not serve any substantive purpose. Their currency shows our under-confidence as a nation and our immaturity. We have done well and much better than other countries in similar circumstances. It would be a whole lot more creditable if we now accept our past and look upon it with detachment. Rather than spending so much money on silly things like name-changes, let’s use that money to ensure that not a single Indian goes hungry, every Indian lives with basic dignity and every single child gets a decent education. Only then shall we have “arrived” as a nation.

Whose file is it anyway?

 

Kashmir files, Kerala files, Bengal files, and now, Epstein files. I’m deeply dismayed by this intrusion of filmmakers and others into what is strictly a bureaucrat’s domain. 

A file is a sacrosanct thing, built carefully and nurtured assiduously with a bureaucrat’s blood, sweat and tears. You take the files away from a bureaucrat, you’re committing “sar tan se juda” (segregating the head from the torso). 

I didn’t know the layers of meanings attached to things around files. For me, a file merely meant a folder with papers inside. I joined my first posting in the IPS after my predecessor and the SP had a falling out. Shortly after, an Inspector asked me to recommend a reward for him for some good work. When I told him that this was already done by my predecessor, he said that ALL my predecessor’s recommendations, good, bad or indifferent, had been “filed.” I couldn’t understand then but later learnt that something “being filed” meant that it was buried six feet under, never to be found again. 

A file is not exactly an immaculate conception, i.e., a Babu doesn’t just produce it out of thin air. It starts with an FR, i.e., a Fresh Receipt, a fresh paper received by the Babu. He labels it a PUC, i.e., a Paper Under Consideration for the first time and on later occasions on the same matter as FRs. There is then a mysterious entity called a DA (Dealing Assistant) who puts the PUC to file and pen to paper to “initiate” the file. This is a critical thing. In 90 % of the cases, the final fate of the PUC depends on that first “noting.” After the noting, the DA puts his signature below and the file starts its laborious trudge upwards. 

Each one on the food chain, the Section Officer (SO), the Asst Secretary (AS), Deputy Secretary (DS), Joint Secretary (JS) and so on puts in his “valuable” inputs and his signature until it reaches the Secretary or the Minister or whoever is the Competent Authority (CA) all of whom put in their deliberations and signatures. At each stage, a lot of very peculiar words get added in the “notings” – PUC (Paper Under Consideration), FR (Fresh Receipt), supra, FPP (From Previous Page), FN (Forenoon), AN (Afternoon), SFA (Submitted for Approval), SFKA (Submitted for Kind Approval), NFA (No Further Action), draft, redraft, re-re-draft of U.O. (Unofficial letter), Letter, Memo, Self-contained proposal and so on. The file can be Master file, Linked file, Single File System (SFS), Reference File and so on. During one of my assignments, the only contribution my boss used to make was to substitute my name in the draft letter by his – that was all. 

In a classic case, one such file landed up on the desk of Lord Curzon who went through the various outpourings by various officials along the chain. He wrote, "I agree with the gentleman whose signature resembles a squiggle." It is believed that that is how the Victoria Memorial got built in Calcutta. 

After the approval, again the file travels majestically down that food chain until the same DA takes the final action. 

When I became a boss, the subordinate staff realised that the easiest way to get me to “approve” anything inconvenient was to put up the notes in Hindi. The Hindi used in these files is a formidable language. Thus, I’m not a PhD but a Vidya Vachaspati; post-retirement, I became a Ghumakkad Pradhyapak (Visiting Professor). I’ve invested in Pradhan Mantri Vaya Vandana Yojana. The file notings in Hindi include terms like Apariharya (Unavoidable), Anveshan (Investigation), Adhisuchna (Notification), Vinirdisht (Specified), Anirneet (Pending), Aabantan (Allotment), Agrasaarit (Forwarded). When I caught on to this, I started writing “Please discuss” or “Please attach an English translation.” That put paid to that particular stratagem. 

The files themselves have certain labels, Immediate, Urgent and Priority, depending on whether the DA can sit over it for a week, a month or for eternity, respectively. Then the files and the outgoing letter, U.O., etc. have classifications like “Restricted,” “Confidential,” “Secret” and “Top Secret.” The rules of this classification itself are classified by the Ministry of Home Affairs so I’m not reproducing them here. However, Department of Defence Production (DDP) has given their version on their website: 

“TOP SECRET” shall be applied to information and equipment, the unauthorised disclosure of which could be expected to cause exceptionally grave damage to the National Security or national Interest. 

“SECRET” shall be applied to information and equipment, the unauthorized disclosure of which could be expected to cause serious damage to the National Security or National Interests or cause serious embarrassment to the Government in its functioning. 

“CONFIDENTIAL” shall be applied to information and equipment, the unauthorised disclosure of which could be expected to cause damage to National Security or could be prejudicial to the National Interests or would embarrass the Government in its functioning. 

“RESTRICTED” shall be applied to information and equipment which is essentially meant for official use only and which should not be published or communicated, to anyone except for official purpose. 

BTW, as per rules, all notings in these files can only be in blue or black ink, except the final approval or refusal thereof, which can be in red. 

I once found a food recipe book marked “Restricted.” I wonder what devastation will be caused if it falls into wrong hands. Maybe, someone, somewhere will produce a more efficient babu to deal with PUCs. 

The replies to the PUCs have deeper meanings. “Under consideration” means, “We’ve lost the file/ paper.” “Under active consideration” means, “We’ve lost the file/ paper and are trying to find it.” “Filed” means it’s a dead letter/ issue. 

Now there are all these files without our being able to put in PUCs, FRs, FPPs, NFAs and our squiggles and we are really chagrined. One of us, Mr. Hardeep Singh Puri has made it into the Epstein Files and the rest of us are all filled (filed?) with envy.

The cop has dirty hands

 

What happens when the cop has dirty hands? 

What I’m talking about is not physical grime but situations of ethical dilemma. It’s very easy to tell people and to police trainees to “be good, do good,” “do the right thing, always,” “do the right thing, even when no one is looking,” and so on. Problem is, many times, the cop is faced with choices where whatever alternative is chosen, it has unethical implications but the cop has to choose one. These are called the Wrong-vs-Wrong choices. Whatever alternative is chosen leaves the cop’s hands dirty. That is why this set of problems are collectively called “the problem of the dirty hands.” 

Let’s take a hypothetical example, some variation of which is all too common in a cop’s life. 

There is information that a few devastating bombs have been planted in a crowded locality and, on suspicion, a hardened terrorist with a high probability of having committed the crime has been arrested. He is denying it and the bombs are likely to go off in short order. What does the cop do? 

What are his options? If he takes the terrorist at face value and the bombs go off, many innocents would die and he would have serious blood on his hands. On the other hand, he might try to extract information from the terrorist. He doesn’t have time for sustained enquiry hence some amount of what is euphemistically called “enhanced interrogation” may be required. That is serious violation of human rights of the person apprehended on suspicion. Since the accused is a hardened terrorist, the interrogation needs to be harsh and might just result in his death. Finally, there may not be any information elicited or he might be innocent of this particular crime, despite his antecedents. Thus, whatever option the cop chooses will be a grossly unethical option and he would come out of it with his hands dirty. This is a classic “dirty hands dilemma.” 

There is a third option which is that he might be so wracked with indecision and the ethical dilemma that he would up and quit. This would mean his abdicating the role he has signed up for and this is no option at all. 

So, what will the cop do? 

Most probably, what he would do is indulge in severe third degree, try to extract the exact location of the bombs and go and diffuse them. Will that be “A GOOD THING?” May be but, may be not. A large no. of lives may be saved. Or, may be not. The terrorist may confess. Or, he may not. He might die in the process. Assume that all the rest is yes and the terrorist confesses and doesn’t die. What next? 

The cop would be a hero. He’d be feted by the media, the populace; even the PM or CM might congratulate him. He’d feel pretty pumped up. Next time, there is a less dire situation but still a heinous crime like rape-cum-murder, he won’t think twice before indulging in severe third degree. Gradually, he’d earn a reputation as an encounter specialist or something so that violation of human rights and acting as judge-jury-executioner would be his default option even for petty thefts. He’d go further and further down that “slippery slope” until he’d lose his ability to distinguish between right and wrong. 

Look at what’d happen to the organisation. The cop who cracks the terrorist case becomes a hero. The other officers would emulate him. They may or may not be as successful but the entire ethos of the organisation would get vitiated. Policing would be associated with brutality and lawlessness. 

So, what’s the way out? Given that the cop would have to get his hands dirty whatever option he chooses, how does he avoid the “slippery slope?” There is actually a way out. 

First of all, he should examine whether he is actually faced with a “dirty hands” situation or there are other alternatives available to him. For example, he could arrange speedy evacuation of the area. Or, he could summon helicopters, etc. and arrange for water spraying the area which would diffuse the bombs. And, so on. 

If, even after careful examination and consideration of the circumstances, he comes to the conclusion that it is in fact a dirty hands situation, he should realise that it’s a once-off and he is perforce exploiting a “moral opportunism” because he just doesn’t have any other option and that this is not to be replicated. After having taken the decision and got his hands dirty, he must feel guilty, i.e., he must have the “moral residue” because an unethical thing is an unethical thing, regardless of the circumstances. If he doesn’t jump to defending his action, if he takes it as a once-off and if he feels guilty, there’s a good chance that he wouldn’t fall into the slippery slope, wouldn’t be taken in by all that adulation and would retain his moral bearings. 

Following are the questions to ask in a situation of dirty hands: 

1.     Are the conflicting reasons for action so compelling, so morally urgent? Or can priorities be set? Can some less urgent acts be undertaken at a later time, while other more urgent acts are engaged?

2.     Is the good to be achieved by wrongdoing sufficiently clear not just to me but to others? Is the good outcome I have in view sufficiently certain to occur by the act of wrongdoing, or is the causal connection unclear and the outcome somewhat speculative?

3.     Is violation of moral principles really necessary? Have I thought with sufficient care and sufficient imagination about alternative courses of action?

4.     How great is the danger of the slippery slope? Will my act serve as a precedent, whether I like it or not, for the less good and perhaps even malevolent act of others?

5.     Will my action undermine the conditions of accountability?

6.     Did I get into this situation because I failed to anticipate it properly? Would dirty hands serve, primarily, to save me from my own blunders?

7.     Is my judgement of the above considerations self – serving, tainted by self – interest?

8.     Am I prepared to take responsibility for consequences, even unintended ones? 

Not easy, but then, navigating ethical dilemmas is never easy. Nor is a cop’s life. 

[Earlier published in “Saviours” on February 24, 2026: 

https://savioursmagazine.in/the-cop-has-dirty-hands/]