When I was a lowly DIG, supervision of a training centre was part of my remit. Whenever a new course was started at the training centre, I would put up a note on a file seeking instruction as to which dignitary could spare time to inaugurate the same. The file moves upward, through the IG, then ADG to DG. On one occasion, the DG begged off as he had other commitments. So did the ADG as he was going to be out of station. The IG wrote that he would inaugurate. That should have completed the matter. However, the IG’s PA brought the file personally back to me. He said that what was written was only part of the story; the IG also desired that I should go to his house to personally escort him to the training centre. This was unusual. I checked with my organisation and other organisations and there was no such practice anywhere. So I went to the IG and suggested that I’d receive him at the training centre and he agreed.
The next morning, a Saturday, I received a call
from the Commandant of the training centre. He told me that IG sahab had asked
him to convey that he desired me to escort him from his house. Actually, if he
had invited me to his house, I’d probably have gone happily. What he was trying
was to humiliate me in the eyes of subordinates showing how superior he was and
how I was less than dust beneath his chariot wheels. However, I politely told
the Commandant that I’d talked to the IG and he’d agreed that I should receive
him at the training centre. A few minutes later, I received another call from
the Commandant reiterating the “instructions.” I was now het up and told him
that “no force on earth can compel me to do that little thing” and he must
convey these exact words to the IG and “report compliance.” On the appointed
day, I landed up at the training centre in time, waited for the IG who kept
waiting for me at his house and left after the due hour was past. The IG
fretted and fumed and finally went sputtering to the training centre alone to
formally inaugurate. For such and other persistent conduct and, on the
complaints of a large number of officers, his career went into a tailspin,
never to recover again.
One of my DGs once hosted a farewell party for
his batchmate, another DG. Just before the party started, he called me and
passed an important instruction – the band should play the theme song of “Eyes
of Laura Mars” exactly when he would hand over the memento to the outgoing
officer. Luckily, I didn’t take any chances and called the bandmaster to
receive the instruction directly from him. The bandmaster politely nodded and
walked off. The moment came for the final speeches and the handing over of the
memento. The band burst forth into a beautiful rendition of “Laal dupatta
mal mal ka …” The DG was furious and summoned me to vent his anger. I politely
reminded him that he had directly instructed the bandmaster who was now summoned
in turn and the DG let loose upon him. To which, the bandmaster sheepishly
replied, “Kya karen sahab, ek hi tune practice kiye the …” [We can play any
tune provided it’s Laal dupatta mal mal ka …]
When I was in BCAS, I once received a call from
an IG in a state. His request for a pass to the tarmac of Delhi airport had
been turned down. He had done all the research regarding my batchmates in the
IPS and contacted some of them to persuade me and had drawn a blank because
each of them had told him that I was too pig-headed. He tried to contact the
Secretary in the Ministry and learnt that I had filed a case against the
Secretary. In his desperation, he had checked my entire academic journey and
found that he had gone to the same school which I attended from 3rd
standard to 5th standard. He used that as the conversation opener.
Why he went to all this trouble was that his CM
was arriving by a special flight and he wanted to receive him at the tarmac. I
told him that any kind of reception or send-off is not permitted on the tarmac.
He begged and pleaded but I couldn’t accommodate him. Finally, he said that
when the CM got down from the plane, if he is not there with a flower bouquet,
his job will be gone. Be that as it may, I didn’t give him the Airport Entry
Permit and do not know what happened to him. His concern and desperation were
genuine.
Whenever the same CM used to travel by air, all
the Ministers in the state cabinet used to land up at the airport to see him
off. Since reception and send-off were not permitted in the airport, this used
to cause a lot of chaos. Finally, the CISF in-charge at the airport devised a
formula. He would draw a circle in chalk just outside the airport entry gate
and all the Ministers would stand inside that circle. What he found was that
the Ministers would land up and stand inside that circle with heads bowed and
the CM’s cavalcade would zoom past. In exasperation, he asked one of the
Ministers what was the point of standing there with heads bowed when there was
no greeting; even the CM wouldn’t even notice them individually. One of the
Ministers enlightened him, “He’d later check the video footage and from their
facial expression, he’d determine who was how loyal.”
Why people do these things is beyond me. Oonche
log aur unke aam baaten. Tall people and their mango tales! Or, the higher a
monkey climbs, the more you see of its bottom.
