Make English Great Again

 

I’m sick and tired of all these endless but pointless debates about Hindi vs English, Bengali vs Hindi, Odia vs Bengali, Marathi Manus vs Macaulay putra, Hindi vs Tamil, etc.. The real debate should be about English vs English. 

Contrary to what some language chauvinists would have us believe, Hindi is NOT our national language. In fact, India doesn’t have a national language. As per Article 343 of the Constitution, Hindi in Devnagari script with international form of Indian numerals was designated as the official (not national) language of the Union. However, the article provided for continuation of English also as the official language of the Union for 15 years. Later, the Official Languages Act, 1963 allowed for continuation of English alongside Hindi in the Indian government until it is changed through legislation. Till date, that position has not been altered. So, we have two official languages for the work of the Union, English and Hindi. 

As per Article 348 of the Constitution, all proceedings in the Supreme Court are in English. Even in the Parliament, if there is a conflict between the Hindi and English version of the bills, the English version is the authoritative text. For the High Courts, the proceedings are in English unless otherwise prescribed and adopted by the concerned state. Even so, the High Court orders need to be in English. 

There is a High-Level Committee which looks into the progress made in the use of Hindi for the official purposes of the Union. Its Sub-Committees audit different units. I faced this Sub-Committee thrice, once as no. 2 of a Central organisation, once while heading that organisation and once as part of the Ministry delegation. 

In the first instance, before the meeting, we scrambled to fill up the pre-audit questionnaire as well as we could so that our progress in the use of Hindi would show in the best possible light. As the day of final reckoning approached, we were “conveyed” various “requirements” for the audit. Some of them pertained to the honourable members’ culinary preferences for the luncheon but chief amongst them was that the back-present had to be high value but small so that it could be easily carried in the luggage. I’m not detailing the other “requirements” here. On the day of the presentation, the Committee members took turns to indulge in Mann Ki Abuse. We presumed that our job was to be seen and not heard so we put on appropriately submissive expressions and nodded at appropriate places. 

Then came the questions. The Committee asked why ALL our communications were not in Hindi. When we pointed out that we had to correspond with foreign airlines and entities most of the time, the Committee got worked up and said this was a colonial mindset. If an airline or an entity wanted to operate in India, they had to learn Hindi. There is the small matter that all communications between the pilot and the air traffic control need to be in English everywhere as mandated by international norms whether the airline or the airport is French, Russian, Chinese, whatever but the Committee just “directed” that all our pilots must communicate everything in Hindi. Next was why our Service Books were not written in Hindi. They specifically pointed to my Service Book. When I answered that I’d spent much of my career in West Bengal and the notings were in Bengali/English, they were furious. After a brief lull in the aggression, they again pinned us down to why not a single book in Hindi had been purchased for our library in the previous year. When we informed that we didn’t have a library because we were in make-shift accommodation, they went ballistic. They said that couldn’t be any reason for not buying any Hindi book. When we said that no book in any language was bought because there was no library, all hell broke loose. The situation nearly got completely out of hand when the Chairman suddenly realised that one of our group members happened to be from his state. After that, he took pains to calm things down. Phew! 

In the second instance, we were wiser. We bought one single book in Hindi for our non-existent library and showed the percentage of Hindi books in our library as 100 %. The committee was very pleased. 

By the time the third faceoff happened, all the units of the Ministry were genned up and did their level best to please the committee members. A fancy resort was booked for everyone – the committee members, the officials, and so on. The meeting was going well until one of the members raised the point as to why we were not signing in Hindi. Now, a signature has no language. It is an identification – simply any mark a person puts on documents as proof of identity and intent. Some persons sign with name, some with decorations, some with a squiggle, some with a thumb print and so on. Also, a person’s signature starts much before he joins a service, definitely much before he faces a High-Level Committee. It’s not desirable to change it. Now, how does one affix one’s thumbprint in Hindi? 

It’s not true to say that a majority of Indians speak Hindi. Variants of Hindi are not Hindi. If speaking some words of a language qualifies as speaking the language, a majority of Indians either speak English or aspire to speak English or have acquaintance with it if you include EVERYBODY in Punjab after 8 PM or three Patialas, whichever is earlier, whole of Orissa when they want to impress or argue, much of the south of the Vindhyas and most states. The version of English differs from state to state, region to region and time to time (8 AM vs 8 PM). English is more of a link language than Hindi. 75 years on, we need not be emotional about it or cast things in terms of colonialist hangover or make it a prestige issue. Look at the advantages of not being apologetic about English and our fluency in it – access to global business opportunities, connectivity with more than 150 countries where English is commonly understood by natives, better access to science and technology literature, integration of south, north, north-east, east and west. 

If we are less hung over and more practical, we would try and standardise Indian English across states, regions and economic class. Make English Great Again. MEGA.

Some old, some new

 

Some old, some new. 

With the overwhelming response and blessings of the readers, “Police in Blunderland” has now seen a second edition. This edition retains some of the old pieces and contains new pieces from later blogs, newspaper publications and some write-ups not yet published elsewhere. 

Do buy. Following are the options: 

Amazon: 

https://www.amazon.in/dp/B0F2T1G2ZZ/ref=sr_1_1?crid=1ANZIBCRPTLWK&dib=eyJ2IjoiMSJ9.UpSC3_w0M54-bZd7hyn7eTK9tnNQHuQhfS4fU_WdXsfZCKSurVxT3z62NzYlPoOO.3pcZ0-yCb7BxUQd3qCCXvxk7rUfkG-y1UV9JSVugIwI&dib_tag=se&keywords=police+in+blunderland&qid=1743158103&sprefix=police+in+blunderland%2Caps%2C243&sr=8-1 

Flipkart:

https://www.flipkart.com/police-in-blunderland/p/itm38758cecf9567?pid=9798895410844&q=bibhuti+dash&store=search.flipkart.com&srno=s_1_3&otracker=AS_Query_HistoryAutoSuggest_1_6_na_na_na&otracker1=AS_Query_HistoryAutoSuggest_1_6_na_na_na&fm=search-autosuggest&iid=ee7e330e-41ad-4cf1-addf-6d1ee85137f4.9798895410844.SEARCH&ppt=sp&ppn=sp&ssid=x8fl27wpq80000001743158203353&qH=e57bc0ff80320b42

Pothi: 

https://store.pothi.com/book/bibhuti-dash-police-blunderland/ 

https://store.pothi.com/book/ebook-bibhuti-dash-police-blunderland/ [e-Book]

[Pothi option is the cheapest - the print version avoids the shipping charges. There is a link for it on the right also.]

For the people outside India, the above links should work; else, pl go to your country’s Amazon or Flipkart website (or Pothi.com) and search by book title or author name (Bibhuti Dash).

 
Do leave a review or rating (good, bad, indifferent), if possible.

Death becomes me

I’m turning 65 this year. Some of my friends and colleagues are no more. Every Fellowship dinner of cadre IPS officers and every school/college reunion bring forth news of some more people one knew but have passed on. Increasingly, my thoughts are turning to death. Mine. 

Death worries people. Lust for life is too great and so is the fear of the unknown because no one knows what happens after death. My father passed away suddenly at the age of 65. It took me a long, long time to come to terms with it. 

It feels sad when news of another death comes in. However, I don’t think I’m afraid of death. When I was diagnosed with Cancer in 2017-18, it was a bolt from the blue. As my knowledge of the disease and treatment scenarios were extremely limited then, there was a certain period of uncertainty. I didn’t know how much time I had and whether I’d live to see another birthday. Since then, I’ve taken each day as a gift. Also, I’ve taken care to tie up the financial aspects so that the family members won’t have to run around too much. 

I go to many palaces, forts, museums and historic structures. I think about all those big and grand people who built or sponsored them. All of them must have felt so important and so powerful. Quite a few of them must have thought of themselves at the moment as invincible, possibly immortal. What were their last days like? Did they realise the futility of it all, or did they prepare for it well? 

With the current progress of science, death is still an unconquered frontier and inevitable. In fact, every day after being born, we progress a little towards death. With that realisation comes a certain acceptance. However, if possible, I’d like to have minimum suffering for myself and others. Some people say that many times, one simply knows when the time has come. I hope, when my time comes, I’ll just go quietly, without fuss and without pain. I also hope, I’ll not live being dependent on others. Death is the last thing I’ll do in life; I want to do it gracefully, preferably in style, not “mewling and puking” and sobbing and crying. Life has many aspects, including death. I’d like to accept death as an aspect of life. 

What would my Obit look like if I were to write it myself? May be: 

"There went a guy who looked serious

But was actually very, very mischievous.

He took life as a bloody joke

His job, his career, his relationships all brushed with that one stroke.

He was occasionally good but mostly mediocre

Didn’t mind being an under-achiever.

Now he’s gone but before going, he reminded

Everyone to eulogise or bitch about him but be even-handed." 

Hindus prescribe that when one visits a temple, one shouldn’t exit immediately after the rituals but sit for a while before doing so and quietly meditate upon a prayer: 

"Anāyāsena maraṇaṃ vinādainyena jīvanaṃ

dehānte tava sānnidhyam dehī me parameśvarama ..."

Translated: 

"Give me death without pain

Grant me a life that I’m not dependent on any one [let nobody has to help me sit up or lie down or feed me; let me not be perverse]

When death comes, let me think of and see only you.

O Lord, kindly grant me these three wishes."

I’m not particularly religious but do respect the beliefs of all religions. So, whenever I visit any place of worship, be it a temple or a church or a gurudwara or a mosque, I try to spend some time just sitting there and thinking of the above. 

I like reading and rereading a poem of Emily Dickinson: 

"Because I could not stop for Death –

He kindly stopped for me –

The Carriage held but just Ourselves –

And Immortality.

 

We slowly drove – He knew no haste

And I had put away

My labor and my leisure too,

For His Civility –

 

We passed the School, where Children strove

At Recess – in the Ring –

We passed the Fields of Gazing Grain –

We passed the Setting Sun –

 

Or rather – He passed Us –

The Dews drew quivering and Chill –

For only Gossamer, my Gown –

My Tippet – only Tulle –

 

We paused before a House that seemed

A Swelling of the Ground –

The Roof was scarcely visible –

The Cornice – in the Ground –

 

Since then – 'tis Centuries – and yet

Feels shorter than the Day

I first surmised the Horses' Heads

Were toward Eternity –"