Doing my Dhoti

 

During the marketing management course in MBA, we’re constantly badgered with the 4 Ps – Product, Price, Place, Promotion. Every marketing manager’s day and night and mind (or lack of it) begins and ends with these 4 Ps. During Police service, I came across a different expansion, Politicians, Press, Police and a fourth profession starting with P. One of my colleagues was fond of saying – these 4 Ps are the most untrustworthy of the lot. This piece deals with the first category, the men in Dhoti, the politicians. 

For my marriage, I had applied for seven days’ Casual Leave which was granted. When I was saying ‘see you’s to my colleagues, one Dhotiwala from the ruling party, Shanti Dolui (name changed) landed up and started telling everyone that his party supporters were about to get attacked. Since it was in the island area, he wanted us to block any mobilisation by the opposition party on the rivers so that his poor dear supporters’ lives would be spared. We all thought he was just being hyper but did arrange for police launches patrolling the rivers. I went home, packed and left for the railway station to board the train. Just as I was getting down from the vehicle with my suitcase, an Inspector came running, apologised for being the bearer of bad tidings, and told me that my leave was cancelled and I had to rush back to office. 

I was shocked and surprised but, orders being orders, rushed back to office. What I found out was that far from his supporters being attacked, Shanti Dolui had himself mobilised a lot of his supporters the previous night and launched an attack on the opposition supporters. He had manipulated the Police into arranging the patrolling so that the opposition couldn’t counter-mobilise. However, the opposition supporters in place proved to be numerically stronger and in the skirmish, the ruling party supporters had suffered heavy casualties. Now, I was being tasked to establish peace and rehabilitate the ruling party supporters. I was furious. I also asked why, when I’d proceeded on leave, another Addl SP couldn’t have been sent. Only to be told that no one else was daring to visit the area. 

Cut to a little later. The world had moved on and I had grown up a little and was a Deputy Commissioner in Calcutta Police. While we cops were chasing dacoits, robbers and murderers, the government panicked about something else – Delhi government had fallen because onion prices breached Rs. 50 mark. Every day, there was a meeting chaired by either the Finance Minister or the Home Minister in the state regarding prices of different commodities in different markets in West Bengal and Calcutta. 

In one of the meetings, the honourable Minister averred, “Look, Bengalis will forgive us other vegetable price rises; they will never forgive us rise in the price of potato – 80 % of the country’s potato is grown here. Please stop any export of potato to other states.” His highness’s words were our command and we blocked the four exit routes out of the state for potatoes. This obviously became big news. The next day, Andhra CM told the press, “West Bengal is not giving us potatoes? Fine, we’ll not send any fish to West Bengal.” I didn’t know then but, apparently, 70 % of the fish consumed in West Bengal came from Andhra. 

That was doomsday, followed by emergency meetings. Potato price was actually “small potato” compared to a fish price hike in West Bengal. Potato export to Andhra was expressly “allowed.” For one full week thereafter, I had to report the prices of various categories of fish to the highest authorities. 

During a central government tenure, I was the no. 2 in an organisation. When my Boss retired, I was preparing for a new Boss (whoever he would be). Unfortunately, there were a lot of illegal demands on my organisation because at that time there was a lot of corruption in the air and in the particular sector my organisation was in. My Boss had held firm and was very unpopular with the Minister and LMP (Like Minded People). The Minister happened to be a Jatt. Before retiring, when pressured for an obnoxious favour, my Boss had remarked, “Even if I wanted to do it, my officers, B.B. Dash and others won’t let me …” So the LMP were wary of me. To my chagrin, they not only decided to keep my Boss’s post vacant but gave the charge to a junior guy from outside who they thought would be more pliant and “controllable.” 

I tried to protest but it was all falling on deaf ears. One day I got thoroughly het up and put down everything in writing and sent it across. There was panic and consternation in equal parts. I believe, the LMP told the Minister how I had exceeded all possible limits. The Minister read through the whole missive, twice, then burst out laughing and merely said, “Yeh toh mere jaisa hai … poora Jatt hai.” The matter went to the Prime Minister and I was given the charge – the (un?)happy situation lasted almost four years. 

One Chief Minister (CM) used to actively stoke sycophancy. On the CM’s birthday, all the Ministers and MLAs used to compete to recite the longest poem in honour of the CM. Whenever the CM would travel by air, all the Ministers and many MLAs used to crowd around at the airport. The CISF Commandant at the airport was fed up and developed a routine. He used to draw a circle. All these worthies used to stand inside the circle with their heads bowed until the CM convoy zoomed past. One day the Commandant asked them why they were crowding there when the CM didn’t even bother to glance at them. One of them said, “You don’t know … later the CM checks the video footage of our standing there and from our facial expressions, the CM determines who is how loyal.” 

Well, I also did my share to cater to these idiosyncrasies of the dhotiwallahs. Afer all, as Edwin Lutyens once remarked, “India expects every man to do his dhoti.”

AQI and lack of IQ

Today, all the talk is about AQI (Air Quality Index). One Chief Minister thinks it is temperature, which can be measured by anything, up to and including a measuring tape. Proposed solution – throw water on the tape and close down the tandoors. Government admits to high AQI but addresses the root cause by stating that there’s no correlation between high AQI and lung problems. Another person, heading the most powerful country in the world thinks the world needs more global warming because he happens to feel chilly sometimes. We live in such times. 

In all this din, the real din, i.e., noise pollution, seems to have escaped people’s attention. Noise pollution leads to serious health issues – hearing loss, Tinnitus, high blood pressure, heart disease, stress, anxiety, sleep disruption, etc.. It also impairs concentration, memory, and productivity in a big way. Children, pets and the elderly are particularly vulnerable. It also harms wildlife by disrupting communication and survival. Here’s a sample of what people with Tinnitus live with, 24 hours a day: 

https://www.youtube.com/shorts/I1unX9SVpPE 

Many countries take noise pollution extremely seriously. So much so that in London, aircraft landings and take offs are severely restricted during certain hours just because of the noise exceeding ambient noise by a wide margin. Scarborough, England cancelled fireworks on New Year Eve of 2023 so that a walrus who had ambled into their coast would not be disturbed in its rest.

By contrast, we in India seem to thrive on noise, the more, the merrier. While in many countries, honking is almost a no-no and is considered rude and aggressive, in India, we honk for a variety of reasons. We honk not only for warning other drivers or pedestrians, we do it to express greeting and joy, to show impatience, to announce our presence, as a safety valve to deal with road rage, paranoia and frustration or simply because we are bored. Stand on any traffic intersection during most hours and a cacophony assaults you beyond endurance limits. Any festival, any cause for celebration is never complete without microphones and amplifiers blaring all over the place. 

In January 1998, a 13-year old girl was a victim of rape. Her cries for help went unheard because of blaring noise of music over loudspeaker in the neighbourhood. The same evening, she committed suicide. This shook the conscience of the nation and brought to the fore the pestilential nature of undue noise. It also led to a Public Interest Litigation case before the Supreme Court which delivered a landmark judgement in 2005. 

The Supreme Court held that the fundamental right under Article 21 of the Constitution, i.e., the right to life and liberty includes the right to freedom from noise pollution. This right cannot be violated by justification through right to freedom of speech and expression (Article 19) when the latter impinges upon a person’s fundamental right to life and liberty. 

The Supreme Court order (2005), Calcutta High Court order (2023), Noise pollution control rules and SOP by West Bengal Pollution Control Board boil down to these for West Bengal: 

·       Firecrackers are allowed only between 8 PM and 10 PM during Diwali, between 6 AM and 8 AM during Chhat Puja and between 11.55 PM and 12.30 AM during Christmas and New Year Eve. On any other occasion, prior permission is required, that too for two hours only. Noise of firecrackers cannot exceed 125 decibels at a distance of four metres.

·     Peripheral noise at the boundary of a public place cannot exceed 75 decibels and a residential place, 60 decibels. 60 decibels is basically the sound level when two persons are talking normally.

·     There cannot be instrument or sound amplifier between 10 PM and 6 AM at a residential place except in public emergencies. Also, no horn in residential areas during the above period.

·    Microphones and amplifiers can be used only after permission from Police/ district authorities after fixing a ‘Sound Limiter’ with the amplifier system.

·       Disc Jockey (DJ) set or high pitch sound box cannot be used in the open.

These regulations have been in place for a while. However, their implementation is another thing. I stay in a complex of senior Police officers, serving and retired. The violation of the above norms is rampant even in this complex of law enforcers. 

Looks like, people can’t live without bursting firecrackers. Diwali celebrations start before the day of Diwali. 8 PM to 10 PM window doesn’t seem to have any meaning. People start bursting crackers before 8 PM and continue well beyond 10 PM. Some other complexes nearby have banned firecrackers. People from some of these complexes land up in the Police complex to burst crackers, presumably safe in a sense of immunity because of its being a Police complex. As to 125 decibel limit, the less said, the better. Even basic safety precautions are not taken. Firecrackers land in houses. A senior officer standing innocently on his own balcony nearly lost an eye as a “rocket bomb” just whizzed past it. 

There’s no concept of ‘Sound Limiter.’ The decibel level during New year Eve is to be heard to be believed – walls shake. I guess, the time limit of 10 PM applies only to other people. 

When I suggested complying with the norms, I was asked to “explain” – possibly the first instance of law violators asking law abiders to “explain” their conduct! Well, I’ve taken recourse to legal intervention and I guess I’m currently the most unpopular guy for miles around. 

I hope, people in India realise the serious hazard they themselves are facing due to the callous disregard of noise pollution. I developed Tinnitus after moving into this Police complex. There is no cure.

I-DIDN'T-GO

 

Hesitated to write this piece. I worked with the Ministry of Civil Aviation for six long years but my job pertained to aviation security, not aviation safety. You may well ask, aren’t they the same thing? 

There is a difference. If a small nut is missing from the thousands of things in an aircraft and, as a result, it crashes, that is a safety issue. If, however, the nut was deliberately removed so that the aircraft would crash, it becomes a security issue. So, human intervention and malevolent intent are sine qua non for something to be treated as an aviation security issue. 

Given this, I’m not really qualified to hold forth on the recent Indigo no-go. However, because of a civil aviation stint, some folks have asked me to hold forth on it. So, here goes, for whatever it’s worth. 

Why did it happen? Why did more than 5,000 flights get cancelled, and continuing? 

Indigo has given several reasons for it. The “new” Flight Duty Time Limitations (FDTL), technology issues (such as the A320 software update), seasonal schedule realignment, airport congestion, and adverse weather conditions. While the other reasons were part fact, part fiction and part wild exaggeration (Indigo attributed weather conditions for certain flights and airports with perfectly sunny weather; other airlines managed the software upgrade, etc.), the single main reason was the FDTL. 

Indigo’s claims of “new” FDTL are not tenable. These norms were issued in January 2024 and airlines had almost two full years to implement them. They required to hire new pilots and staff. Instead of this, Indigo is reported to have responded by putting a freeze on pilot hire. Which is okay really. Indigo is a private operator and it can have whatever staff it wants. However, with that hiring freeze, and with the revised FDTL norms, they could operate less flights. What they did was actually increase the no. of flights for the winter schedule (effective October 26) by 6 % over their summer schedule and 9.66 % over the previous year’s winter schedule. This was brazenly non-compliant behaviour. Further, this is quite likely to have been a case of “slot hoarding” so that other operators are elbowed out - typical monopolist machinations. 

With a 65 % market share, Indigo clearly thought it would get away with it. They obviously have so far, as seen by the government having been compelled to withdraw the FDTL order. Airlines have tended to have an out-sized influence over DGCA and the Ministry of Civil Aviation. Sometime back, during the UPA era, Kingfisher pilots and crew went without salary for a prolonged period. The then DGCA determined that this had serious safety implications and, one fine morning, issued a notice to the airline to explain. In the afternoon of the same day, another officer walked into his office, waved a paper to show that the incumbent DGCA had been unceremoniously removed and that this officer was the new DGCA so could the now-former-DGCA kindly vacate the chair? 

DGCA also must share some of the blame. Firstly, while FDTL is an important component of safety, they seem to have taken a maximalist approach. Here’s the comparison of the FDTL norms: 

Parameter	“New” DGCA, India rules	USA	EU
Max daily flight time	10 hrs	8-9 hrs	10 hrs
Max flight duty period	11 hrs	9-14 hrs	13 hrs
Night duty definition	0000-0600 (max 2 landings/ week)	0000-0459	0200-0459
Minimum daily rest	12 hrs	10 hrs	12 hrs
Weekly rest	48 hrs	30-34 hrs	36 hrs

The other FDTL norms are the same for all the three. The problem seems to have occurred with increasing the weekly rest to 48 hrs from the earlier 36 hours and capping the night landings at 2. These 48 hours are 50 % higher than the limit followed by USA and EU and the previous limit of DGCA India. The cap on night landings was 6 in India, prior to these regulations. 

Secondly, it is not possible that DGCA didn’t know that Indigo didn’t have the manpower to operate their existing schedule with the revised FDTL norms. Given that, their approving an enhanced winter schedule for Indigo beggars belief. 

Another agency which seems to have been asleep at the wheel is the Competition Commission of India. This commission and the Competition Act were created precisely to prevent such abuse of dominant position in the market. They should have prevented an organisation from growing "too big to fail.” 

The incident has wreaked havoc with the schedules and lives of many passengers and their families/ organisations. Image of the Indian aviation industry has taken a tumble. The disruption has been humungous and the industry/economy will take a long while to recover from the aftershocks. Meanwhile, a song written in 1875 and an ex-Prime Minister who died in 1964 are more important issues today.

What eminence?!

 

Suddenly, the media was flooded with news about 272 “eminent” citizens writing an open letter criticising the Opposition. Their eminences were up for public scrutiny, a lot of muck came out, their fraternities in civil services, judiciary and defence didn’t support them and all of them quietly disappeared into the woodwork. I’ve known some of them personally and their past and current conduct is unable to withstand that public glare. One of them was part of my Yoga group and was known as completely unstable, with a long trail of controversies including a judicial case. Another one was so misogynistic and derogatory in a lecture in a girl’s college that the students and alumni were up in arms and he had to apologise. Yet another one was hauled up for filthy, obscene comments on young girls on his X account. At least one of them has featured in my blogs in the past and not in any flattering light. Several have corruption and disproportionate assets cases pending against them. However, this piece is not about the personae but about the contents of their letter. 

It starts with “We, the senior citizens of civil society, …” and concludes with “Civil society reaffirms …” as though this bunch are the (sole) thekedaars of senior citizens and/ or civil society in this country. I’m senior and a citizen of the country (at least, until Gyanesh Kumar decides otherwise) and a member of the civil society and I don’t recall giving them the right to speak on my behalf. So, they should’ve written “We, the self-appointed senior citizens of civil society …” and “We, without any authority regarding civil society, reaffirm …” 

These thekadaars have suddenly got very worked up about Opposition’s criticisms of the functioning of the Election Commission of India (ECI) and have expressed “grave concern.” Looks like, they were not ‘concern’ed about the conduct of ECI or the mockery that is the appointment of the Election Commissioners, bypassing of rule of law in so-called bulldozer justice, garlanding of convicted mob-lynchers by Union Ministers, hounding of senior civil servants through arrests and jail, incarceration of activists on specious grounds without bail, appointment of judges in the face of dissent in the collegium and so on. Possibly they’ve concerns about these but these concerns are not “grave” enough for them. Since they’ve never affirmed anything about any of these, where is the question of “re-affirm”ing? 

According to these worthies, ECI has been the epitome of transparency and rectitude. Not so, SIRs. It fought tooth and nail against inclusion of Aadhaar in the prescribed documents in SIR (Special Intensive Revision) verification claiming that Aadhaar was not a proof of citizenship. However, the 11 documents prescribed by them, with the exception of the passport, were also not proof of citizenship. Obviously, they were not allowing Aadhaar just because it was readily available to all but some (probably targeted) sections didn’t have the other documents. I checked with my household help in West Bengal. None of those documents except Aadhaar is available with them. When other documents were used merely for identification, why couldn’t Aadhaar? 

Their eminences have talked about “uncouth rhetoric.” Is it correct that they didn’t find “50 crore ka girlfriend”, “Jesey cow”, “Didi-o-Didi”, “Mujra,” etc. uncouth at all? 

No, opposition is not able to form governments in some states because of the ECI, they are forming them in spite of blatant partisanship of the ECI but for which the opposition would’ve bagged many more states and the ones they won, with handsomer margins. Had the ECI been transparent and fair, they would’ve stopped crediting of those Rs. 10,000 in the accounts after poll announcement in Bihar; they’d have banned the so-called jeevika didis who were actually campaigning for a particular party with largesse from us, the taxpayers … The 2024 results would also have been very, very different. 

It is notable that the eminences chose to remember T.N. Seshan but forgot one James Michael Lyngdoh who postponed the elections in Gujarat because of reasons well-known to all. Even Seshan would’ve done things far differently from what the ECI has been reduced to now. 

I agree with their eminences that civil society and the citizens of India should stand firmly with the Election Commission. However, that doesn’t mean standing with the Election Commissioners when they indulge in such egregious conduct. Yes, we should save the Election Commission, starting with demanding the repeal of that horrible Act nullifying a Supreme Court judgement, restoration of CJI in the selection panel, removal of the current lot of Commissioners, preservation/sharing of CCTV footage of the voting process and general transparency. 

The letter talks about existential question caused by fake or immigrant voters. Well, disenfranchisement too is an existential question when a genuine citizen is a victim just because he has no document other than an Aadhaar card or a previous Voter Identity card. It is not the job of the ECI to check immigration, rather its job is to see that no genuine voter is left behind. As far as the ECI is concerned, it should bear the onus of disproving citizenship rather than putting the onus of proving citizenship on the voter. 

Finally, where did this term “eminent citizens” come from? The letter refers only to “senior citizens of civil society.” Who gave this term to the signatories? More importantly, where is the eminence?!

The Slippery Slope

 

Been wanting to write about Chanda Kochhar who has been in and out of news, for all the wrong reasons. She had risen to the post of CMD at ICICI bank, then the largest private sector bank in India. Earlier her steering of the bank in the face of 2009 meltdown (ICICI had exposure to Lehman Brothers, the news leading to flight of a lot of deposits from the bank) had cemented her place as the high priestess of high finance in India. Her daughter’s marriage was attended by the Who’s Who of India – the Union Finance Minister, the Maharashtra Chief Minister, Amitabh Bachchan, Mukesh Ambani et al.. Then suddenly, Chanda Kochhar came crashing down. She and her husband were both arrested on charges of gross corruption, profiteering, conflict of interest and other counts. 

This was not the solitary such case. Think Rajat Gupta. He went where no Indian had gone before. Baker Scholar at Harvard Business School, the first foreign-born Managing Director of McKinsey & Co., co-founder of Indian Business School and so on. He served a two-year prison term for insider trading and McKinsey dropped him from their alumni database and called clients worldwide to say that they would have nothing to do with him going forward. 

Ramalinga Raju. He was the poster boy of Indian IT dream. In its heydays, Satyam Computer Services founded by him represented the might of Indian IT capabilities and was described as its “crown jewel.” It operated in 60 countries, employed 50,000 staff and was the first Indian company to be listed on three major international stock exchanges, NYSE, Euronext and Dow Jones. In 2009, Raju admitted to embezzlement of Rs. 7,136 cr which led to his conviction and sentence of 7 years’ jail and fine. 

Obviously, these were very bright people. However, at some point, they lost their moral bearings in a big way and could no longer distinguish between right and wrong. Why does this happen? I read up a bit on it and also reflected a bit more. There appear to be four common pitfalls leading to such successful people landing up on a slippery slope of no return. 

First is the corrupting influence of power. Power is the number of people our actions influence X the amount of that influence. As we grow into our jobs, we find both components of power increasing and our acquiring more and more power. This power is very intoxicating so, like a drunkard craving more and more whiskey with each passing day, we also seek out means of increasing our power, sometimes by any means. 

In our quest of more and more power in a hurry, we take our first, tentative steps at cutting corners or beating the system. What happens is, if we are successful, these infringements tend to be initially ignored and later applauded. So, gradually when we go on to ever bigger transgressions and keep getting away with them, we develop a sense of invincibility – I’m Muhammad Ali; no one and nothing can touch me … this is the kind of pitfall which leads a cop from interrogation through third degree to things like the horrific Bhagalpur blindings.

When Chanda Kochhar was sitting in that MBA classroom at Bajaj or when Rajat Gupta was considering his first job or when Ramalinga Raju ventured into business, they must’ve dreamt about big things that they wanted to achieve. I do think, their achievements exceeded their original dreams by miles. After earning so much, attaining so high statuses and feted by the highest and the mightiest, why then did they crave for so much more that they let their morality go by the board? What they developed was ambition without purpose. This is when despite having all the money in the world, one tries to acquire more and more without any use for it; despite having a huge conglomerate, one indulges in a merger and acquisition spree without it helping the bottom line; and so on. 

The final and probably the most dangerous pitfall is suppression of guilt through rationalisation. It starts small. Justifying an irregular action on the pretext of helping a subordinate, later, for the sake of the department or branch, even later, for the larger benefit of the company/ industry, and, if one is intoxicated/ megalomaniac enough, justifying by claiming that it was all for the sake of the country or the world. 

The problem is, while errors of judgement or competence slip-ups can sometimes be redeemed, it is impossible to restore status-quo-ante after an ethical slip-up. 

[Small factoid: Chanda Kochhar completed her MBA from Jamnalal Bajaj Institute of Management Studies, Bombay in 1984, the same year I completed mine from IIM, Bangalore.]

Good cop, bad cop

 

In the IPS, while undergoing training at the Academy, we were told that we’d be attached to an SP in a district for field training, that the same SP would be our friend, philosopher and guide and that the equation with him or her would make or mar our entire careers. When I landed in the district, I was excited but extremely nervous regarding my first meeting with him because the first impression was considered of paramount importance. I’d rehearsed and rehearsed as to answers to possible questions and landed up in his office at 10 AM sharp in all my finery (we’ve to wear the ceremonial uniform while “calling on” seniors for the first time). The office was completely empty! I didn’t know that in West Bengal no one reaches office before 11. Around 11, people started filing in but there was no SP. I was told that he was on field visits and his arrival time was uncertain. So, I kept waiting and waiting. In that small town, it was not feasible to go to a hotel in all that regalia so I kept getting hungry but had to wait. Finally, the SP came back from his tour at 6 PM and summoned me in. 

He was very genial and gradually, I started feeling more and more comfortable, despite being really famished and disoriented. Suddenly he asked, “Do you drink?” To which, I eagerly replied (probably tongue hanging out!), “Yes, Sir.” Then he said, “But, I don’t.” OMG, my career felt to have ended before it had begun! I tried my best to recover but don’t think did a good job of it. There used to be a system of Annual Confidential Reports (ACRs) which later metamorphosed to Performance Appraisal Reports (PARs). The emphasis in ACRs used to be on “Confidential” so senior officers used to write these without any fear of blowback. The prescribed gradings were Outstanding, Very Good, Good, Average and Poor. For IPS officers, “Good” was actually considered “Bad” because they were expected to be at least “Very Good.” Towards the end of my career, in the interest of transparency, the government decided that the ACRs and PARs should be opened up and made available to the officers concerned. Since I’d got all my promotions on due dates, I’d not bothered much but just before retiring, out of curiosity, I accessed and downloaded all the ACRs/ PARs I’d received during my entire career. I was surprised to find that in the whole career, I’d not received a single ACR/ PAR which was less that “Outstanding,” save one, i.e., that by the above SP who had rated me “Good” which actually amounted to “Bad.” First impressions do count. 

Most of my bosses were actually good, even including the above one. However, I did have one absolutely vile boss who created a lot of problems not only for me and my colleagues but for his own bosses too. 

Right from Day One, he used such filthy language with all his subordinates that we were all stunned. Every day was a fraught affair on inessentials. Sample this. There was a training centre under me. Each new course was formally “inaugurated” by a senior officer. Each time, I would put up a note in the file seeking information as to who would inaugurate and the file would come back generally with the Director General (DG) or the Addl Director General (ADG) consenting to do so and there was never a problem. For one particular course, both the DG and ADG had other commitments and the file returned with my Boss writing that he would inaugurate it. However, the file was personally carried by his Personal Secretary who told me that apart from what Saheb had written on the file he also desired that I should “escort” him from his house. There was no such precedence. The DG and ADG both used to land up at the training centre and we (including my Boss) used to receive them there. I also asked around with other similar organisations regarding their procedures and this was unheard of. The sole purpose for this was to humiliate me and reduce me to the level of a Constable or something in the eyes of the other officials. I didn’t want to create a scene so went to him and said that I’d receive him properly at the training centre as was the practice. He agreed. However, next day, I received a call from the Commandant of the training centre saying that Saheb had called him and directed him to inform me that I was to escort him. 

This made me furious. The order was improper and the means of conveying it was even more so, the Commandant (and earlier his Personal Secretary) being very junior to me. So I told the Commandant that no force on earth could make me do this and also told him to convey it to my Boss and “report compliance.” Caught between the devil and the deep blue sea, the Commandant was panicking. He tried to mumble some diplomatic words to my Boss but the latter was adamant. Out of fear, he didn’t communicate anything to me. On the appointed day and time, I landed up at the Training Centre, waited for some time, inaugurated the programme myself and proceeded to office. 

For such capers, and because of complaints by a large number of officers (including me), my Boss was thrown out of the organisation. Much later, when I met him accidentally, I told him that if only he had invited me nicely to his house, I’d’ve been really happy to go. Surprisingly, when I checked those ACRs/ PARs at the time of my retirement, I found that he’d consistently given me “Outstanding” gradings for the two years I worked with him. Despite all this.

The good cop was bad for me and the bad cop was good for me!

Men of Straw

 

To cannibalise the famous line of Jane Austen, "It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a single man in possession of dictatorial ambitions, must be in search of ways to dictate." Hitler, Mussolini, Lenin, Stalin, Mao … How did they manage to do it? How is it that they mesmerised huge populations into unquestioning loyalty at first and then abject subservience? 

They could do it because democracy is not a natural order of things. Deep within, we have a tendency to hark back to our tribal origins when we needed a supremo. Education and civilisation led us to think and construct an alternative. However, since this is an artificial construct, it’s built on quicksand, needs constant nurturing of the institutions to maintain it and too fragile to withstand even small tremors. After tapping into that instinct, they managed to nurture it a for a considerable period through a combination of terror, a huge personality cult, adoption of religion for selfish ends, grandiose self-image as God’s chosen instrument and an eye on world domination. 

Stalin “purged” around nine million calling them “enemies of the state.” Mussolini promoted the idea that he was God’s gift to Italy. At morning assembly, Italian schoolchildren were taught to recite, “I believe in Mussolini”; he can do no wrong and never be questioned.” He also had a crucifix fixed in each classroom. Despite being a Communist, Mao is said to have referred to himself as a god and a law unto himself. Hitler proclaimed himself “Master of the World” and that the Third Reich would last a thousand years. 

History may or may not repeat itself, but it rhymes. Today we have Bicycle Pump, Put-out, Chi Chi Pingpong, HWMNBN (He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named) and so on. What’s common to them? 

All of them terrorise. USA could’ve deported illegal immigrants in a civilised fashion but they had to be chained and handcuffed. People disappear in Russia and China. ED and CBI in India are now something. 

All of them behave like kings – off with your head if I don’t like you. Thus, Trump says to Hungarian Prime Minister Viktor Orban, “We love Viktor; I know a lot of people don’t agree with me, but I’m the only one that matters. You are fantastic.” Again, Trump to Kevin Rudd, Australian Ambassador to the US and a former Prime Minister, “I don’t like you and I probably never will.” Initially, they feed their supporters regarding their mythical powers and their divine mandates and, gradually, they start believing in the stories themselves. Trump proclaims himself as a very “stable genius.” Nearer home, we have non-biological beings. 

As kings, and divinely ordained at that, obviously, they think of themselves as above the law. When the legal process decided that her election was illegal, one iron lady declared Emergency in India and put everybody behind bars. Despite Brazil having a trade deficit with the US and not having any adversarial relations, Trump has chosen to tariff Brazil under the pretext of economic emergency and economic security threat from Brazil. 

Even a peon in a government office is thrown out if it turns out that he has lied about anything in his application or declaration. Even if he suppresses any relevant information, he loses his job. However, these strongmen do not feel the necessity of making their certificates public even though it is quite apparent that there was falsehood in their affidavits and obviously, there was suppression of marriage information in previous affidavits. Even when they are convicted (like Bicycle Pump has), they just brazen it out. Gradually, the lies attain epic scales. Politicians always lie. However, there are certain lines drawn. For example, there are two places where they always hesitated to lie at – in the Parliament and on the files. Even those have now gone by the board. Thus, Boris Johnson, when cornered over Partygate, first denied any such thing; then denied any knowledge of such thing; and, finally, when the photographs of him lustily swigging away amongst his equally-sozzled colleagues came out, stated that he didn’t know it was a party! 

These strongmen have little regard for facts and seem to be impervious to being made laughing stocks of. Anything remotely resembling scientific temper is anathema to them. Thus, according to Bicycle Pump, India and Pakistan have been fighting each other for thousands of years (even though they came into being in 1947); Masks are undesirable in COVID-19 management; People could be injected with sunlight and sanitiser to be cured of COVID-19. According to another such, there was plastic surgery in India way back when so an elephant’s head could be grafted on to Lord Ganesh; If we fly in under cloud cover, we’ll escape detection by Pakistan radars. 

Most of these guys have very murky personal lives. Trump’s shenanigans with Stormy Daniels are too well-documented. Around two dozen women have accused him of sexual assault, harassment and rape. I guess, being active in one field means being active in all other fields. Crudity is their calling card. Unfortunately, they have a very loyal support base which sometimes condones and at other times cheers this conduct. There is another problem with them. When they abuse with crudity and utter lack of grace, it’s all right but they can’t take it coming back. They feel persecuted when thwarted and display petulant, childish behaviour. The classic example again is Trump – nobody is giving me the Nobel Prize, boo hoo. 

So, what’s the way out? Usually, all these people meet very sad, ignominious ends. The quotation from Gandhi: 

"When I despair, I remember that all through history the ways of truth and love have always won. There have been tyrants and murderers, and for a time they can seem invincible, but in the end they always fall. Think of it—always." 

Poli-tickle

 

Politics is very dry, dusty, drab and full of machinations. However, there’s still surprising grace and subtlety sometimes. 

I’ll start with an incident in my cadre, West Bengal. An important bill was to be discussed in the West Bengal Legislative Assembly and Chief Minister Dr. Bidhan Chandra Roy was late for the discussion. When Dr. Roy entered the session hall, Jyoti Basu (Leader of Opposition) was furious and berated him for his conduct. Dr. Roy apologised and participated in the discussions. At the end of it, he called the still-agitated Jyoti Basu aside and said in a soft voice, "Jyoti...please go home. Your father (Dr. Nishikant Basu) is seriously ill. After getting the news, I came here after attending to him at your house. I have prescribed the medicines. Make sure he takes them on time. I’ll come and see him again in the evening.” 

Back in the late 19^th Century, there were many tales of the famous rivalry between Bejamin Disraeli and William Gladstone leading to many colourful exchanges between the two. Once, Opposition Leader Gladstone told Disraeli in the Parliament, “You will come to your end either upon the gallows or of a venereal disease,” to which Prime Minister Disraeli replied, “I should say, Mr. Gladstone, that depends on whether I embrace your principles or your mistress.” 

Gandhi is not remembered enough for his simple and yet, sometimes devastating wit. Two incidents stand out around his visit to London in 1931 – the first one probably apocryphal but the second one made huge headlines at the time. When he alighted at Southampton, he was surrounded by reporters and one of them asked, “Mr. Gandhi, what do you think of Western civilization?” And Mr. Gandhi said, “That would be a good idea.” During the visit, he was invited for tea with Queen Mary and King George V at Buckingham Palace. Dressed in his customary loincloth, a shawl loosely draped over his naked torso and wearing homemade sandals, he visited the Buckingham Palace.  The meeting over, he was walking out of the palace gates when a journalist asked if he thought he was wearing enough. Gandhi’s iconic reply: “The King was wearing enough for the both of us.” 

In the U.S. Presidential elections, the TV debates between the contenders are often the difference between winning and losing. In 1984, President Ronald Reagan was trying for a second term in office and was pitted against Walter Mondale. After a shaky performance in the first debate, there were questions about his age (73) and fitness for office. The debate moderator, journalist Henry Trewhitt asked Reagan about his age and whether he had any doubt, on account of his age, to function well in a crisis. Reagan’s reply: “I have decided not to make age an issue of this campaign.” After a surprised gasp from the audience, he finished, "I am not going to exploit, for political purposes, my opponent's youth and inexperience." This brought the house down with the audience and even the opponent, Mondale, bursting into lusty laughter and is considered the main reason for Reagan’s landslide victory. 

On October 10, 2008, during a Town Hall event in Lakeville, Minnesota for the Presidential campaign of John McCain, a woman constituent called his opponent Obama an Arab and how she couldn’t trust him. McCain was trailing badly in the opinion polls at that time. Even so, he grabbed the mic and took pains to chastise his constituent, “No ma'am, he's a decent family man, citizen, that I just happen to have disagreements with on fundamental issues, and that's what this campaign is all about," 

The exchanges in the U.K. Parliament over the Partygate scandal (2021-22) were robust and filled with typical British sardonic wit. Attacked from all sides for wild parties in 10, Downing Street while the rest of the country was under COVID-19 lockdown, Prime Minister Boris Johnson had hunkered down and was fighting it out. Until a respected backbencher of his own party, David Davis rose to speak. He listed some of the achievements of the Boris government and then said, “I expect my leaders to shoulder the responsibility for the actions they take. Yesterday he (Boris) did the opposite of that. So I will remind him of a quotation which may be familiar to his ear, Leopold Amery to Neville Chamberlain: ‘You have sat too long here for any good you have been doing. In the name of God, go.’” This turned the tide decisively against Boris. And, the final nail in the coffin was driven home by another Tory member and former PM, Theresa May. Sue Gray report on the allegations had just come out. Theresa May: "What the Gray report does show is that No. 10, Downing Street was not observing the regulations they had imposed on members of the public. So either my right honourable friend (Boris) had not read the rules or didn't understand what they meant and others around him, or they didn't think the rules applied to Number 10. Which was it?" 

Back home, there were some famous exchanges between Leader of Opposition Sushma Swaraj and Prime Minister Manmohan Singh. During a fierce debate in Parliament on corruption in the UPA government, Sushma Swaraj tried to corner the government with verses of Shahab Jafri: 

'तू इधर उधर की न बात कर,

ये बता कि काफिला क्यों लुटा,

हमें रहजनों से गिला नहीं,

तेरी रहबरी का सवाल है।'  

[Stop going round and round in circles,

Tell us why the caravan was looted.

The robbers are not to blame,

We look askance at your leadership.] 

Dr. Manmohan Singh didn’t meet fire with fire. He chose to douse the rage gently with Allama Iqbal’s: 

“माना कि तेरी दीद के काबिल नहीं हूं मैं,

तू मेरा शौक देख, मेरा इंतजार देख।" 

[I may not be worthy of your benevolent gaze.

But would you look at my zeal, my patience?] 

Again, during a Motion of Thanks on the President’s address, Manmohan Singh recited Mirza Ghalib: 

“हमको उनसे है वफा की उम्मीद,

जो नहीं जानते वफा क्या है।" 

[In vain I expect loyalty from those

Who do not even know what loyalty is.]

To which Sushma replied with the lines of Bashir Badr: 

“कुछ तो मजबूरियां रही होंगी,

यूं ही कोई बेवफा नहीं होता|”               

[There must have been some compulsion;

No one becomes disloyal for nothing.] 

Time was when there was immense grace and humour even in politics. Now too there is some grace and some humour. But, not in India. Not now. Now we have Didi-o O-Didi, Kanpati par katta, Vote chor, Chowkidar chor, aur kya kya ...