Troll nation

 

Recently I quit a WhatsApp group. I have been reflecting upon the conduct of the group and its members. 

The group was called “democratic.” 

One single person, late in the night, DECIDED that since there’s an option in WhatsApp called ‘timer,’ it should be tried. And, he did. Because, he could, as he was one of the admin members. He didn’t bother to consult the other admin members. He didn’t bother to find out whether that was what the other members wanted. He just did it. Because, it was his version of democracy. And, he had DECIDED. 

Some of the other admin members pushed back. Ultimately, one of the (very) lowly members (viz., me) pushed back. But, in the name of democracy, this one person held firm and stuck to his stand. Because, he had the power – he was admin, no less! When push came to shove, he did what every bureaucrat in the annals of history had done. He organised a poll. Not “before,” but “after,” having blocked all the other members from saving their individual preferences. He also suddenly remembered democracy again. There was one type of democracy before he peremptorily blocked everyone else from individual ‘saves.’ Under this second type of democracy, members had to now vote before his “democratic” action could be revoked. Even though the concerned admin vigorously rang up other members to support the timer, more members voted ‘against’ the timer than ‘for.’ So, there had to be a third type of ‘democracy.’ Poll extended for a week, extendable for a fortnight, a month, a year, or so on, ad infinitum (the time period decided by him), until enough times the coin dropped ‘heads.’ Meanwhile, that “democratic” decision to block the saves continued. 

Such is the basis upon which “democracy” is built. Amen! 

There was another member whose world began and ended with one particular dispensation (OPD) and its policies. So, whatever OPD decreed or promoted had to be defended at all costs. So, if OPD committed the country’s Air Force to battle under some “cloud theory” of escaping radar detection, that was a masterstroke! Obviously, there was plastic surgery which made Lord Ganesha’s elephant head possible. The 2,000 rupee notes had chips embedded (wonder what happened to the chips since the notes are now gone). Shivaji statue had laser eyes to detect terrorist movements in the sea – the statue has now collapsed so we all are quite vulnerable. 

There was another guy for whom everything reminded of caste. If someone even posted a nice painting or said the sky was blue, he would rave and rant and splutter about how Brahmins have been so evil. And, heavens forbid, if anyone even mentioned reservations … I tried telling him everything reminded me of sex but at least I didn’t put it in ALL my WhatsApp posts but the irony passed him by. 

One guy thought that he was “the chosen one” to spread the outpourings of the toxic IT cell and try and fashion the group in its image. It was not even acceptable to him if nobody responded to his rants. He would cast serious aspersions on the intellectual abilities of his batchmates if others remained silent. 

Two guys once got into a heated argument and then the admin (used to be a lone person then, the creator of the group) was asked to intervene. The admin did so but it was apparently not acceptable that the admin had not taken a stronger stand. The then lone admin quit the group – for more than a decade, he had worked assiduously to keep the group together, … and civil. 

The problem is not with WhatsApp as a platform. The problem is not even with most of the WhatsApp group members. The problem is with the systematic injecting of the venom that has made us into such a hateful nation of trolls that “hatred” is our default option. The bigger problem is that the “injecting” has been SO successful that highly educated people (IIMs are the pinnacle of educational excellence in India) and people who have seen the ins-and-outs of government and politicians and their seamier sides at play (civil servants) have been mesmerised into idolatry. I quit my IIM batch group in the past. I’ve now quit a civil services group. I’ve also quit a retired people’s group. I guess, I self-enforced my social media ban. Other governments en-forced social media bans from the outside, with disastrous results. With time, they’ll probably pivot to the Indian model (of immersing social media with so much venom from the inside and creating so many trolls that no ban would be necessary). Just a hope – India will learn from these incidents. It’s a small, dwindling, now-barely-flickering hope. We live in dark times.

Why do they hate us so much?

 

Nepal has been up in flames recently. Although international media has given the news short shrift, things appear to have been really bad there. News about Nepal made me cast my mind back to my United Nations deployment in Sierra Leone. The guns had fallen silent. Peace-keeping was practically over. A very small group of us were engaged in what was called “capacity building” – the deaf leading the blind? Since it was a small group, we interacted with each other continuously and extensively. One Nepalese officer used to spend much of his time in my office room. One day, while discussing someone else, he just burst out saying, “Who toh Indians se bhi gandaa hai!” [“He is even dirtier than Indians!”] before realising that he was actually talking to an Indian. I was furious and threatened to report him for a racist comment like that and he panicked and apologised profusely. I let it go; however, it made me think how hated we are amongst our neighbours. 

The next time I came face to face with the hatred was nearly a full-blown diplomatic crisis with me at the centre of it. I was working with Bureau of Civil Aviation Security (BCAS), the security regulator for all things aviation in India. The previous hijacking of an Indian aeroplane (IC 814) had been orchestrated after the plane took off from Kathmandu and we were concerned about the security arrangements at Kathmandu airport. I was leading a team of officials from different organisations and ministries for an audit of Kathmandu airport as far as it pertained to our operations there. 

Actually, this is a routine matter and within international obligations under the ICAO (International Civil Aviation Organisation) mandate. Any ICAO signatory country is obliged to allow inspection of their aviation security arrangements by officials of any other signatory country having aviation operation to and from the former. We were inspecting airports in many countries and officials of other countries used to inspect our arrangements too. I never expected how big a problem my visit was going to be. 

Just a day or two before our trip, the Indian High Commission’s office informed me that there was a glitch and that the Nepal government was not willing to permit us. I told them we were coming anyway because we could always travel to Nepal under the existing agreements and if they permitted the audit, fine; else, we’d come back. Later I heard from my IPS colleague at the High Commission that the High Commissioner was not-a-little amused, aghast, and, somewhat admiring – he chuckled, “I like these guys’ attitude!” He worked hard to facilitate the trip and the audit. 

When we landed, I was shocked by some of the headlines in the Nepalese newspapers. “India is sending people to destroy our sovereignty.” “Now Indian arms will land in Nepal.” “We are an independent nation.” And, so on. I was also told that the matter of issuing Airport Entry Permits for us was raging in their legislative body (I think, it was called a legislature then) because a Minister had raised strong objections to our proposed audit. 

Something funny happened though. A very senior police officer of Nepal (different from the previous mentioned) who had served in the team headed by me in Sierra Leone heard that I was in town, visited me in his personal capacity and took me around the airport and its facilities and discussed a lot of the details, apart from discussing the (good?) old days. The next day, partly because the particular minister realised that I was able to access things without the permit and partly due to the efforts of the Indian High Commission, we were “formally” granted the permits and rest of the audit went smoothly. 

I was appalled by the incident. However, I was even more appalled by the attitude of some of the officials in my delegation. The moment we “officially” entered the airport, the guys in my delegation started “directing” the Nepalese officials and “dictating” what they should or shouldn’t do. I called a time-out, gathered them in and told them to strictly follow protocol; their job was not to “oversee” but to observe and ask questions after asking for permission; any observations would be communicated between the governments on govt-to-govt basis through proper channels and any “directions” to the Indian aviation agencies would be communicated during a closed-door de-brief meeting. Believe me, my delegation officials were sputtering and straining at the leash so I had to be even harsher than the previous words suggest. 

Even though this was a small incident, it does mirror how we, as a country, have managed to gather so many enemies and so much hatred in our backyard. We are big and that is our privilege but that is also our burden. We need not be overbearing. Also, we could be a little more gracious, and sensitive. Sensitive, above all.

Ode to an alma mater

It is inevitable that human civilisation will self-destruct at some point in time. Then the cycle will start all over again. Hunting-gathering, rudimentary tools, stone age, bronze age, iron age, nuclear age and so on. At a future date, when they excavate, they might find a beautiful structure at present-day Bannerghatta in Bengaluru. There would be inexplicable stone structures spanning an area of present-day 54,000 sqm. It might look like this:

They will find stone structures like this on the following pattern over 54,000 sqm area:

They will use carbon dating or whatever methods and date the constructions to present day 1973-1983. Gradually, with the help of other artifacts and some imagination, they’ll recreate some of the structures to have looked like:

 

They will be surprised at some of the similarities of the structures to two other structures found quite far away. They wouldn’t know that these latter were called Fatehpur Sikri and Madurai temple today. They will be amazed at the structures’ spatial synthesis and energy efficiency with passive cooling strategies. The facilitation of natural light and ventilation will take their breath away. Every so often, the lines of the architecture will baffle them because they will see sudden changes of scale and occasional breakings of corridors; however, the structure would make sense when taken as a whole. 

What they wouldn’t know is that the whole complex was designed to foster an environment of learning and interaction. If they reconstruct the buildings with lush surroundings they will find the whole complex leaning on a sequence of spatial experiences. The overall sequence of movement – from the lush, open campus to the semi-open corridors and eventually to the more enclosed and protected spaces would generate multiple threshold conditions. These unique locations in the plan would allow the functional spaces to interact and assimilate more freely with the overall theme, creating fluid and easy connections between the spaces for movement and the spaces for work. 

They wouldn’t know the genius of the architect, Balkrishna Vithaldas Doshi for whom, “Architecture was an extension of the body, and it was where the mind dwelt.” Like all Doshi’s creation, this structure, with its harmonious blend of traditional Indian and modern architectural elements would be seen but the underlying philosophy would escape those in the future. They may not know that the design ethos was to create a space that transcended the physical boundaries of buildings, encouraging openness and fluidity, seamlessly integrating indoor and outdoor spaces, facilitating a dialogue between nature and built form. The structure would be representative of architectural norms at a time when the country was on the cusp of embracing modernity. 

They may well surmise a few things, e.g., that it was a place of learning, but they wouldn’t know how, by creating an atmosphere where one didn’t see divides and doors, it promoted a sense of community among the students and faculty. How the courtyards, corridors, and fenestrations were meticulously designed to facilitate natural light and ventilation, creating a conducive atmosphere for education and contemplation. How the inclusive spaces encouraged creativity and interaction. How the campus blended historical inspirations and modern functionality, making it a unique example of how architecture could bridge the past and the present. Or how over a career spanning six decades, Doshi created such a profound impact on the architectural fraternity and society at large that he was awarded the prestigious Pritzker Architecture Prize (frequently referred to as the Nobel prize of architecture) in 2018, becoming the first Indian to receive this honour. 

Above all, they wouldn’t know how the campus and the buildings housed a beacon of academic excellence called IIMB which nourished such a large number of world leaders and how enormously the architecture contributed to that process. They also wouldn’t know that although the institute was already 10 years old then, the author’s batch was the first one in that campus.

[The pathway to excellence]

Being Delulu

My two younger children (twins, a girl and a boy) were born in 1999. I used to call them dot.com kids because that was the period of the dot.com bubble. Being digital natives, they started handling computer keyboards before touching a pen. Now kids of that vintage are called the Generation Z. I had to rejig a lot of my ideas and acceptances to be in line with the changing mores of that generation. So, sleepovers were all too frequent; being glued to mobile phones was normal; best gifts one could give them ranged from game consoles to ipods, and so on. 

Much of the time, our house has been full of their friends, other gen Z kids. Slowly, I realised that they speak in tongues. It’s English but nothing like what we know as the English language. When I first heard my son’s friend say, “I’m bouncing,” I was aghast. Talking of weird behaviour of some anatomical parts? Or about some game? Or was it acrobatics on the trampoline? Later I learnt that he meant he was leaving. Then there were the one-letter words, acronyms and shortened phrases. That’s a big W meant that’s a big win. L meant Loss. IRL meant In Real Life. Delulu meant Delusional or ungrounded in reality. 

I thought I knew the term ‘drip.’ For us, it meant a weak, ineffectual person. Now, it’s almost the reverse – it actually means stylish look. For us, ‘thirsty’ meant grabbing a glass of water. Now it describes a person desperate for attention or validation. ‘Ate’ meant filled one’s belly, now it means doing something with style or impressively. 

Mercifully, some words haven’t changed much. ‘Vibe’ still means overall mood or atmosphere. ‘Low-key’ means understated. We also used ‘slay’ to mean perform exceedingly well. Something ‘hit different,’ when it had a unique and powerful impact. ‘Cringe’ was something embarrassing or awkward. It remains so. 

From time to time, I’m dropping some of the new lingo on my kids’ unsuspecting friends, to the acute ‘cringe’ of my kids. I no longer dress Low-key; I’ve graduated to High-key, with floral prints dominating my wardrobe. My socks are lurid shades of red, electric blue, bottle green and so on. Ditto, my T-shirts; I hardly wear shirts any more, even when I’m teaching a class because quite a few of my students are Gen Z. I wonder if I ‘slay’ them with my ‘drip’ look. Probably I’m being perpetually ‘thirsty,’ (requiring validation all the time). 

Sometime back, I wanted to simp glow-up but IRL, that kinda thing becomes a big L if you can’t vibe with your age. It can look sus to fam. So, while you think you’re lit or slaying with your drip, no fam member thinks you’re snatched. They think you’re being cheugy and delulu. Positively cray. Periodt. 

The above passage, roughly translated to our (old) generation lingo: 

Sometime back, I wanted simply (simp) a positive transformation (glow-up) but in real life (IRL), that kind of thing becomes a big loss (L) if you can’t be in sync with the overall mood (vibe) of your age. It can look suspicious (sus) to family (fam). So, while you think you’re exciting or amazing (lit) or doing exceptionally well (slaying) with your stylish clothes and fashion accessories (drip), no family member thinks  you’re looking amazing (snatched). They think you’re being outdated and uncool (cheugy) and delusional (delulu). Positively crazy (cray). Period, emphasis added (Periodt)! 

No cap (to tell the truth), it’ll feel salty (bitter). 

There is an upside to it also. Heaven forbid, if I ever go to a night club and make a jackass of myself, the bouncer won’t have to do anything. I’ll myself bounce. Fast. Because I know the lingo. 🕺🏻🕺🏻

Aur janab kya chal raha hai?

 

Uff, so much spin by India, Pakistan, US, Prez Trump, PM Modi, PM Sharif, Defence Ministers Rajnath Singh and Khawaza Asif, international media, national media (both Godi and less-Godi – there’s no non-Godi media left!), Defence community and so on, the head is positively spinning now. But, through the fog, some things are evident. 

We thought, with our far superior air power, we’d just be all over Pakistan and they’d roll over and die. That didn’t happen. Both the sides had war-gamed long and hard. However, there were two deficits in the Indian war-gaming. We didn’t realise how long and how well Pakistan had been preparing for it. When the Pahalgam massacre happened, I thought Munir was being foolish – he should’ve known better after the Balakot strike. However, it seems, Pahalgam was not just trigger happiness on his part. He initiated it after working out the subsequent stages. 

What was expected to be a surgical airstrike without crossing our airspace turned into a large-scale dogfight with a huge number of aircrafts involved. It is not possible to hide this because the moment an aircraft is airborne, it can be tracked by the radars and satellite and the real-time data is preserved for a while. I do believe the estimate by various sources of around 125 aircrafts of both sides involved in the stand-off. Scrambling so many aircrafts so quickly does indicate serious advance preparation by Pakistan. 

Where the script went wrong for India is that we probably didn’t have enough or full information about the technological advancements Pakistan had managed in terms of acquiring Chinese 4.5 generation jets (J-10C) and PL-15 air-to-air missiles. The world had underestimated the effectiveness of these platforms and weapons.

While India gave clear-cut denials for all the other claims by Pakistan, on the question of downing of Rafale/s, it said, “There’s no evidence …” Hello, the Indian government doesn’t need evidence to know whether any of its own aircrafts was downed. It would’ve been inconvenient to admit, hence this answer. Plus, in the immediate aftermath, the Chengdu Corp (manufacturers of J-10C) stocks soared by 60 % while Dassault (manufacturer of Rafale) stocks climbed down by 7 % [both have market-corrected now]. It’s safe to assume that India lost aircrafts including Rafale/s. There’ve been no specific claims regarding Pakistan having lost any aircraft. In the air skirmish, it’s about honours even, with a slight tilt in favour of Pakistan. 

What worked better for India was the Air Defence system. While our S-400 withstood most of Pakistan’s sallies, India could breach the Pakistan defence system HQ-9/P and hit the nine intended targets on the first day and several airbases/ airports subsequently. Pakistan also managed to get through our system and hit a few things in the later stages of the conflict, but far less compared to India’s strikes. 

Looks like, while Pakistan was intimidated by the perceived appetite of India to prolong the tit-for-tat, India was also surprised by the scale and perseverance of the Pakistan retaliation. In the end, both sides were desperate for an out. 

This is just background. What I’m trying to get at is that India’s target/s were not achieved. The target was not hitting nine known ivy-league terror universities. The target was to overwhelm Pakistan and intimidate so that it considers terrorism as an expensive no-win proposition. That hasn’t happened. If anything, Munir, chasing institutional credibility and support has managed it and is pumped up. He must also be feeling how easy it is to organise a mini-war and benefit quickly before USA and others call time in short order. It’s his cost-benefit calculus that alone counts in Pakistan's policy so he’ll organise another terror attack whenever it’s convenient or desirable for him. 

Regardless of the spin, the people at the helm know exactly what the situation is. The two sides haven’t reached a Nash Equilibrium point where any (mis)adventure will assure mutual self-destruction. Further terrorist incidents are round the corner. So what should we do? 

First and foremost, we must go all out to build a fool-proof air defence system, an impenetrable "iron dome." It should be so robust like Israel’s that not a single missile should be able to barge through. 

Next, and simultaneously, we must shop around for 5^th generation aircrafts which will be the best in the world and have them in bulk. Whatever enhancements are required for the existing Rafales must be undertaken urgently. 

Simultaneously, this defensive shield and offensive capabilities must extend to the intelligence domain too. We should have such a robust system that terrorists can’t sneak through or operate. In case a terrorist attack does materialise, we should be able to detect and destroy the perpetrators within no time. Obviously, we’ve miles to go in this. Not only that Pahalgam could not be prevented, there were glaring lapses in the security arrangements and till date, we haven’t been able to find out who, what and why. There has not been a single arrest. 

We must develop the Covert Action Capability (CAC) of intelligence, manpower and equipment such that we could match how USA took out Osama Bin Laden without the faintest idea of his harbourers or the Israeli intelligence killing/ injuring thousands of Hezbollah operatives in Syria and Lebanon through simultaneously exploding pagers and walkie-talkies (Operation Grim Beeper, 2024). If we could’ve eliminated Dawood Ibrahim and LeT Chief or organised simultaneous explosions affecting a few Pakistani top generals immediately after Pahalgam, that would’ve been a decisive victory. Plus, we could’ve basked in the deniability like that of Pakistan on Pahalgam. All this is difficult but possible, if the priorities are right. After all, we’ve the money – we are an economic powerhouse; we should make it count. 

In my estimate, we have about a year before the next terrorist attack. We should prepare so well that the response to that one should be decisive. 

Meanwhile, aur janab kya chal raha hai? 

Hindustan aur Pakistan, dono jagah fog (of war) chal raha hai.

Your revdi or mine? Anywhere, anytime

 

The other day, our household help was complaining about how corrupt and unfair the political system and governance system are; how everything was skewed in favour of the rich and against the downtrodden, etc.. When I asked her why then she kept voting for Didi, she said Didi was giving her Lakshmir Bhandar. In fact, the scheme has been so popular that when the feisty MP Mahua Moitra was campaigning in the rural areas of her constituency in the last Parliamentary elections, the first question she used to ask the poor women was whether they were receiving the Lakshmir Bhandar money and used to be greeted by grateful affirmatives. 

I thought this must be a huge amount or some high-value goods. Turned out, it was just Rs. 1,000 per month (Rs. 1,200 for SC/ST) for women not employed by government and certain other bodies or retired from them drawing a pension. Yet, this has been a real game changer for the political fortunes, earning sustained loyalty from millions of womenfolk. This shows how desperately deprived and marginalised a large section of our society is. It led me to think a little about the so-called “revdis.” 

On July 16, 2022, speaking in Kaitheri in Jalaun district after inaugurating the Bundelkhand Expressway, Prime Minister Modi derisively said, “Today in our country, attempts are being made to collect votes by distributing free revdis (sweets). This revdi culture is very dangerous for the development of the country. People of the country, especially the youth, need to be careful of this revdi culture. People of revdi culture will not build expressways, airports or defence corridors for you. People of revdi culture feel that by distributing free revdis to people, they can buy them. Together we need to defeat this thinking. Revdi culture needs to be removed from the country’s politics.” 

Yet, the Prime Minister has now become a zealous champion of endless revdis and the revdis have improved the political fortunes of his party. 

In the last Madhya Pradesh elections, facing huge anti-incumbency, everyone predicted that BJP was down for the count. Even BJP leaders were making rueful statements. Then came the ladli bahna scheme on 28.1.23 and the party romped home with a landslide in the November 2023 elections. Again, the amount was a paltry Rs. 1,000 per month. The elections were fought on the promise of increasing it to Rs. 1,250 initially and Rs. 3,000 eventually. 

In Haryana, the BJP announced Rs 2,100 monthly allowance for women, scooty for girl students, free dialysis for patients and two lakh government jobs. For Maharashtra, as many as 146 freebies were announced by the NDA. It was widely reported that the Maharashtra election dates (due with Haryana elections held on 5.10.24) were deferred so that the beneficiaries of Ladki Bahin Yojana (announced on 28.6.24, launched on 17.8.24) would’ve received two instalments of the money before the elections eventually held on 20.11.24. 

In Delhi, the AAP’s freebies list included raising Mahila Samman Yojana from Rs 1,000 to Rs 2,100 per month and a Sanjeevani scheme to provide free health care to those above 60 years. The Congress promised Rs 8,500 for skill training of the unemployed, Rs 2,500 as pyaari didi yojana and Rs 25 lakh insurance under Jeevan Raksha Yojana. BJP promised Rs 21,000 for pregnant women, Rs 2,500 per month to women voters, and a Rs 500 subsidy for LPG cylinders in Delhi. 

During the last UP elections, some of the news portals were predicting a rout for Yogi. However, I saw an interview of some rural people where they were saying how they were happy that they were getting ration twice a day, “subah ka Modi se, aur sham ka Yogi se.” I presume, they were referring to the Pradhan Mantri Garib Kalyan Anna Yojana (PMGKAY) and the state scheme. Then I thought, no, Yogi has a much better chance than the news portals were predicting. 

It is true that the single purpose behind this competitive revdi-politics is grabbing the votes. However, is it such a bad thing? 

As long as these schemes are announced before the Model Code of Conduct kicks in, they don’t fall foul of any law or rules. Plus, there is a problem of what exactly is a revdi or freebie. Free bus ride to women is as much of a freebie as reduction in corporate tax – the latter can indirectly influence vote purchase by adding to the coffers of a political party. Cooking gas subsidy which Amitabh Bachchan took one and a half years to forego is as much of a revdi as free cash transfer without any reciprocity or charge. While reduction in corporate tax might have some positive impact on investment (this is dubious, to say the least), free cash will augment human capital and also increase consumption expenditure, leading to demand side stimulus. Even revival of Old Pension Scheme is a freebie. There is an argument for ‘merit’ goods alone but it’s difficult to know which is not a merit good if the externalities are factored in. 

On the other hand, much of these so-called revdis are actually going to sections of society whose voices are invisible in policy making – women, backwards, marginalized, and so on. This adds to their much needed social protection which is not available to them but for these democratic negotiations of vote-bank politics. 

Estimates indicate that the current state expenditure on freebies ranges between 0.1% and 2.7% of Gross State Domestic Product (GSDP). This is not so bad when we consider that India’s social protection spending is merely 4 % of the GDP compared to Brazil’s 17 % and China’s 7.9 %. Even this small amount of freebies have led to not only some sense of a security net amongst the marginalised, it has resulted in substantive human capital growth. 

A recent report by SBI Research showers praise on the Ladli Bahna scheme, saying it has impacted the behavioural habit of marginalised women in such a way that beneficiaries have increased their spending at merchant outlets by 3.5 times. 

So, is there a problem with revdis? Yes, there is. These revdis are actually government schemes paid for by the taxpayer. Using them for brand promotion of a political leader by putting her/ his photos on ration bags or entitlement certificates is actually illegal and unethical. All promotion of these schemes should be informative only and should be devoid of any photograph of anyone. Also if the election process (e.g., polling date) is manipulated around the revdis, that delegitimizes the democratic exercise. 

My considered opinion is, the general public is interested in only three things: micro benefits, prices and crime/law & order situation. What the governments should do is to encourage revdis but prevent financial profligacy by mandating budget deficits both at the Centre and the states to be below 3 % of the national and state GDPs through legislation. This is one legitimate role that can be given to the President and the Governors for strict enforcement. [Despite all the aspersions on AAP’s freebies, Delhi reported a fiscal surplus (0.4% of GSDP) in 2022-23.] Meanwhile, all this will go haywire if the crime and law and order situation is not robust. So, that’s another argument for earnestly implementing the police reforms as mandated by the Supreme Court order of 2006. 

So net, net? Your revdi or mine? Anywhere, any time. Conditions apply.

Make English Great Again

 

I’m sick and tired of all these endless but pointless debates about Hindi vs English, Bengali vs Hindi, Odia vs Bengali, Marathi Manus vs Macaulay putra, Hindi vs Tamil, etc.. The real debate should be about English vs English. 

Contrary to what some language chauvinists would have us believe, Hindi is NOT our national language. In fact, India doesn’t have a national language. As per Article 343 of the Constitution, Hindi in Devnagari script with international form of Indian numerals was designated as the official (not national) language of the Union. However, the article provided for continuation of English also as the official language of the Union for 15 years. Later, the Official Languages Act, 1963 allowed for continuation of English alongside Hindi in the Indian government until it is changed through legislation. Till date, that position has not been altered. So, we have two official languages for the work of the Union, English and Hindi. 

As per Article 348 of the Constitution, all proceedings in the Supreme Court are in English. Even in the Parliament, if there is a conflict between the Hindi and English version of the bills, the English version is the authoritative text. For the High Courts, the proceedings are in English unless otherwise prescribed and adopted by the concerned state. Even so, the High Court orders need to be in English. 

There is a High-Level Committee which looks into the progress made in the use of Hindi for the official purposes of the Union. Its Sub-Committees audit different units. I faced this Sub-Committee thrice, once as no. 2 of a Central organisation, once while heading that organisation and once as part of the Ministry delegation. 

In the first instance, before the meeting, we scrambled to fill up the pre-audit questionnaire as well as we could so that our progress in the use of Hindi would show in the best possible light. As the day of final reckoning approached, we were “conveyed” various “requirements” for the audit. Some of them pertained to the honourable members’ culinary preferences for the luncheon but chief amongst them was that the back-present had to be high value but small so that it could be easily carried in the luggage. I’m not detailing the other “requirements” here. On the day of the presentation, the Committee members took turns to indulge in Mann Ki Abuse. We presumed that our job was to be seen and not heard so we put on appropriately submissive expressions and nodded at appropriate places. 

Then came the questions. The Committee asked why ALL our communications were not in Hindi. When we pointed out that we had to correspond with foreign airlines and entities most of the time, the Committee got worked up and said this was a colonial mindset. If an airline or an entity wanted to operate in India, they had to learn Hindi. There is the small matter that all communications between the pilot and the air traffic control need to be in English everywhere as mandated by international norms whether the airline or the airport is French, Russian, Chinese, whatever but the Committee just “directed” that all our pilots must communicate everything in Hindi. Next was why our Service Books were not written in Hindi. They specifically pointed to my Service Book. When I answered that I’d spent much of my career in West Bengal and the notings were in Bengali/English, they were furious. After a brief lull in the aggression, they again pinned us down to why not a single book in Hindi had been purchased for our library in the previous year. When we informed that we didn’t have a library because we were in make-shift accommodation, they went ballistic. They said that couldn’t be any reason for not buying any Hindi book. When we said that no book in any language was bought because there was no library, all hell broke loose. The situation nearly got completely out of hand when the Chairman suddenly realised that one of our group members happened to be from his state. After that, he took pains to calm things down. Phew! 

In the second instance, we were wiser. We bought one single book in Hindi for our non-existent library and showed the percentage of Hindi books in our library as 100 %. The committee was very pleased. 

By the time the third faceoff happened, all the units of the Ministry were genned up and did their level best to please the committee members. A fancy resort was booked for everyone – the committee members, the officials, and so on. The meeting was going well until one of the members raised the point as to why we were not signing in Hindi. Now, a signature has no language. It is an identification – simply any mark a person puts on documents as proof of identity and intent. Some persons sign with name, some with decorations, some with a squiggle, some with a thumb print and so on. Also, a person’s signature starts much before he joins a service, definitely much before he faces a High-Level Committee. It’s not desirable to change it. Now, how does one affix one’s thumbprint in Hindi? 

It’s not true to say that a majority of Indians speak Hindi. Variants of Hindi are not Hindi. If speaking some words of a language qualifies as speaking the language, a majority of Indians either speak English or aspire to speak English or have acquaintance with it if you include EVERYBODY in Punjab after 8 PM or three Patialas, whichever is earlier, whole of Orissa when they want to impress or argue, much of the south of the Vindhyas and most states. The version of English differs from state to state, region to region and time to time (8 AM vs 8 PM). English is more of a link language than Hindi. 75 years on, we need not be emotional about it or cast things in terms of colonialist hangover or make it a prestige issue. Look at the advantages of not being apologetic about English and our fluency in it – access to global business opportunities, connectivity with more than 150 countries where English is commonly understood by natives, better access to science and technology literature, integration of south, north, north-east, east and west. 

If we are less hung over and more practical, we would try and standardise Indian English across states, regions and economic class. Make English Great Again. MEGA.